White Noise

On Teaching

2012-01-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

My cousin Sara had some insight into working conditions and lunch hour activities for teachers in BC, and I wanted to share her comment here for everyone to see. I had hoped she would weigh in on this topic because she is a teacher and knows more than I do about working conditions for teachers. She teaches high school and is a committed and passionate teacher. Good at what she does. This is what she had to say;

I am paid for 4.5 hours of work each day (I'm a high school teacher). Each day I spend 3 hours in direct teaching, 3 more hours prepping and marking, about 30 mins meeting with students to discuss, help, etc, another 30 mins meeting with other teachers, support workers and admin to ensure that no students are falling through the cracks (we are a no kid left behind school and we take it very seriously, so this actually takes a lot of time), and then I coach, which is about 6 additional hours per week, unpaid and honestly, unappreciated. So on an average day, I work 7-9 hours (almost twice what I am paid for). I know that there are teachers who do not put this kind of commitment in, but not many. My son's grade one teacher, uses her 40 minute lunch break to wolf down some food, talk to the support workers, answer emails or calls from parents and to get ready for the afternoon. Rarely, do teachers sit down, socialize and eat. The laws around lunch breaks is almost unchanged in BC from 30 years ago, outside time was longer then for kids.

Just so everyone knows

On Schooling, and On My Kid is a Bully

2012-01-28T00:44:00.000-08:00

I did a post recently on Schooling, which sparked some cool discussion, and I wanted to continue it. This discussion is also relevant to my post on Matthew bullying his peers, so I thought I'd tackle both in one shot. Or try.

When I was home for Christmas, I talked to both my brother and my dad about my brother's experience with school. I had some of the facts about my brother's homeschooling experience wrong~he was home for about half a year, my dad said, and although my dad (as a former teacher) was in charge of his 'education,' he said that they hardly did any schoolwork. My dad said that Chad was so much more mature than his peers in many, many ways, but just didn't fit in the box of normal as far as reading is concerned. What Chad needed more than schooling was a break from it all, so my dad kept him home and they worked around the farm and did a very minimal amount of schoolwork here and there. And the following fall, my brother started a grade ahead of where he left off, skipping grade five altogether. My brother essentially repeated grade one and skipped grade five.

My brother hardly remembered this period of time, but he had a lot to say about school. He said that the experience of repeating a grade is really hard on a kid's self esteem, and that school is largely a waste of time. He said it is good to learn to read and do math, and the basics of the three 'R's,' but that beyond that life experience adds more to a person's life and is more useful as an adult than formal education. He speaks from experience, since he is a very successful entrepreneur who owns two businesses, a farm, a home, and has a healthy, growing family. All markers of success and emotional health.
I said that from my perspective it seemed that elementary school offered a ton of support and extra learning assistance built around the way his brain was wired. However, once he hit high school, he was largely left to his own devices. He agreed, and said that, "In high school, I was on my own. It was a complete waste of my time." Based on his experience, he will send his kids to elementary school but it will be entirely their choice whether to continue on beyond that, and how; be it online, homeschooling, or conventional high school. He likes the small, Mennonite school in his town and would prefer Birch and their other future kids to go there because he likes the Mennonite emphasis on community and good morals. He likes their sense of discipline and hard work ethic. But he is open to other elementary school options as long as the school itself is small.

I appreciate his perspective. I lean more towards valuing continued education, and value diversity over small, tight knit community schools, but I totally value the fact that Chad's experience made him think outside the box, and become wide open as far as his children's educational choices.

I also appreciated the perspectives of everyone who commented on my last post. Building community around and within a school environment is important to Louise, remaining open to re evaluating how conventional school is working year by year is important to Sara, schooling at home through play is important to Asheya, and Caryn points out the fact that sometimes it feels more pressing to make a choice when there ARE choices, as opposed to when there is simply one choice and everyone takes that path as a matter of course.

I have to say, that for my high needs kid, I would be at a loss as to how to teach him at home. I could easily 'teach' Ayden; creative ideas to spark his imagination, and then let him follow his mind where it goes. But Matthew? Harnessing that kid's attention long enough to get him to put on his shoes is a herculean feat. Education? Good luck. I'm just not an expert in 'special needs,' as it were. This is where I need the experts to help me out. People who went to school for five years to learn how to be teachers, and then the support staff who have further education (or as in the case of the school psychologist, six years of education pertaining to psychology~and in her personal case, LOTS of personal experience with learning challenges within her own family so she *GETS IT*), and administrators who have experience... Yeah, I need help with this one. This kid is intense. Lovely, amazing, gorgeous, wild, and intense.

I'm so glad we got the ball rolling last fall to test Matthew for learning challenges. If we had not, and this is a year earlier than most children get tested, Matthew's behavioural issues would feel incredibly overwhelming without much chance at resolution. I feel like once we get a diagnosis we can research specific to his challenges and support him better than we are now, which is mainly fumbling in the dark, with parenting tools specific to 'normal' children (I tend to think of ADHD and SPD as 'normal' manifestations of variety within our species, and not 'pathological,' nor 'disabilities,' which is why I avoid the phrase 'learning disability(ies)' when talking about them. We as adults need to bend the way we teach and parent around him and the way his brain is (quite beautifully) wired to operate.

I get some comments from some of the (few) people who know about this diagnostic process about how we need to avoid LABELS. I have a few words to say about labels. A diagnosis is power in one's hand. Trust me, after years and YEARS of operating with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, the state of mind I had dubbed this wild kind of crazy that has no name, or alternately the something that is wrong with me, I can assure you that a diagnosis is power. I am calm, today, despite myriad life circumstances whirling around me that would have thrown me wildly off balance in my previous existence, because I know what is wrong with me. It has a name. It has treatments that work. It has supportive organizations and groups of people who either also live with it, or who work as experts in their field to help manage it (often both simultaneously). I have power over my anxiety disorder because I know it's name.
Similarly, Matthew has something in his brain that operates differently, and when we know the name of that condition, it will give us power. It will give his teachers and support staff power. Most of all, it will give MATTHEW power to harness his full potential and unleash his circular shaped intelligence upon a world that draws almost exclusively in parallel lines.
The problem with labels is that adults who should know better use them. They slap them on kids and see the diagnosis as descriptive of the entire person, and treat them unfairly. They do things like ask a ten year old who is acting squirrely, "Did you take your medication today?!" in front of the entire class. On a weekly, sometimes daily basis, in the most humiliating tone known to mankind. True story: this happened to a boy named Paul who was in my grade five class. I used to seethe inside at her when she humiliated him that way. It never failed to shame him into submission, but she lost all my respect pretty early on in the year. Take that, Mrs. Lortie. Eat some crow, you shameless woman.

I fear that for my kid. Of course I do. That, or something similar. But I'm pretty confident that I am in close enough communication with Matthew's teachers that I could detect a lack of respect for my kid and celebration of his strengths and recognition of him as a whole person pretty early on and request a change in teacher. If it were not granted, I would have absolutely no qualms about changing schools.

The problem is not inherent in getting a diagnosis, the problem is the damn adults. Upon whom I wish all manner of evil.

Having grown up with a brother with diagnosable learning challenges, who was mature and bright in so many ways that went unrecognized by school, and who was incredibly helped and supported by said diagnosis in elementary school, I'm fully on board with testing. Testing early, and thoroughly, by high quality support staff. Because knowledge is power. And I need help, raising this kid; I need tools that work, I need support circles of other parents, I need teachers who know how to bend their curriculum goals around my child's wonderful brain so that he can learn and grow. And I need something fast, so we can help him internalize a sense of self control so that he doesn't jeopardize any more friendships.

On the one hand, yes, I wish teachers were present for lunch time at school. But this is law, in BC, that teachers must have their full lunch break and not be required to supervise during that time. We don't have lunchrooms, for teachers to take turns or for parent volunteers to rotate supervising our kids; each class eats in their classroom, at their desks, and there are not enough administrators or parent volunteers for 18 divisions, every day.
When I was growing up, we ate lunch at our desks and our teacher supervised us. She/he shooed us out after ten or fifteen minutes, and then the teacher went to the staffroom for lunch break. I don't totally see what was wrong with this picture, but then again labour laws are in place to protect workers from burnout and unfair treatment. All I can say is that paramedics do not have scheduled breaks (except for transfer fleet paramedics), and that in my 9 years of work I never once had a one hour lunch break. PLENTY of times we sat around on our duffs for hours on end waiting for calls, but also plenty of times I worked 12 hours straight and the only time I sat down was while we were driving in the ambulance. I've eaten many a sandwich or yogurt while driving Code 3 in traffic on the way to help out a dying someone. I'm guessing the thinking is that you can't not respond to a life or death call because all the ambulances are out to lunch. Rotating lunch breaks won't work because SO frequently all ambulances in one town are busy, that you would get pulled off your lunch break so often as to make it kind of ridiculous to even try and eat. We usually ate between calls, or at the hospital while waiting for a non critical patient to get a bed. A process we not so respectfully dubbed "babysitting a patient," or "sitting" them. "I'm just sitting an SOB, you go grab a coffee and I'll watch your patient," was common. Nobody ever complained, and I didn't really see anything wrong with this. It's the nature of the job. [SOB=Shortness of Breath, not Son of a Bitch. FYI].

The fact that teachers in practice work six hours in close proximity to students, and then another 2 to 3 hours (or less, for experienced teachers) on prep or marking after students have gone home kind of makes one think that a full hour in the staff room is perhaps not all that necessary. But on the other hand, teachers are quite hassled in our province and don't have fantastic working conditions in other areas, so perhaps the full hour is a part of a necessary support system to ensure the longevity of our teachers' careers.

It's a moot point anyway, because the full lunch break for teachers is law in our province, for a unionized work force, so there is no changing it. Less than optimal supervision it is, then.

But shouldn't a seven year old be able to control his behaviour enough to be unsupervised for ten to fifteen minutes while he eats his lunch? Matthew is partially culpable here, too. It is NOT too much to expect of him to be kind to others for ten unsupervised minutes. Well, it might be, but you can see my point. But I know that his profound lack of impulse control is at the root of his behaviour. I also know that a small measure of the cause lies in power acquisition. He is human, and thus he appreciates the merits of acquiring power. Because he has so little impulse control and is so highly distractable, he has less autonomy and freedom of choice than most seven year olds. We have to monitor him more closely and implement more rigid standards and routines and expectations than we would with a 'normal' child, and I know that affects him. So he has 'less' power over his environment than is developmentally appropriate (and always has), plus the normal human drive/need for power, so I think that exercising some power over his peers is appealing. Because his low impulse control is (largely; there is some choice involved on his part) responsible for the diminishing of autonomy in his life, it sucks that the very thing he needs is something his brain won't allow him to get. We simply cannot give him the autonomy he craves because when we do, he goes wild. He's relieved when we implement external controls for him, but at the same time he wrestles with them. It's a tough thing.
I may even be wrong; this is simply my take on him and on our lives. As his mom I'm a pretty good authority on what makes Matthew tick.

So what I'm praying for now, is the right diagnosis. Teachers with tools and skills that work with my child. A name for me to go forth and research treatments and support for. Something I can take to my naturopath and say, "What do you recommend?"

Some days, Matthew's impulse control is so low and his behaviour so juvenile, frustrating, repetitive, distracted, hyper, or rude that I'm like "UNIVERSE, SHOW ME THE PILL AND I'LL USE IT, SHOW ME THE MAGICAL MEDICATION THAT WILL FIX THIS KID, SHOW ME THE MONEY." Of course I know this is the wrong approach, but I want to express to you the extent of my frustration in trying to teach my child the most basic skills. How can a person be expected to learn when the sound of a knife falling to the ground and the feeling of an itch on his or her knee feels just as loud and important and vies as strongly for his or her attention as the parent in front of them re explaining for the hundredth time why shoving people under the trampoline when there are people on it is dangerous? And when that person lives in a family with six people, one dog, a cat, and a fairly loud family volume? Show me the magic, man. The magical key or keys that will help tone down the wild distracting chatter of his brain and help him. Help him to focus. Help him to pee in the toilet, one hundred percent of the time. Help him to read by accessing his cache of memorized words, and sounding out the ones he doesn't have memorized. Help him to think, "It's not mine and I want to respect others," right after "I want that."
I want him to do the right thing when it comes to kindness and respect for his friends because it is the right thing to do, and not because he wants to please me or his father or his teachers, and not because he is afraid of getting caught, or the consequences if he does. But he's just not there yet. He's nowhere near internalizing the right thing to do. Most seven year olds don't have this down ALL the time, but most have it figured out SOME of the time. Matthew has this figured out NONE of the time, and it will cost him in social relationships if we cannot help him.

And that is where we are at, with that. Le sigh.

Guest Post on Mama Birth!!

2012-01-27T10:20:00.000-08:00

I sent my birth story from Riley's birth to the Mama Birth website, and it got published! Check it out! =)

My Kid, The Bully

2012-01-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

I remember several school bullies from elementary school. One was this boy who was about five grades ahead of me and would push smaller kids off the slide or down the sledding hill without provocation, and would tease people mercilessly. He had a deformed arm, and I remember thinking he must feel pretty bad about that and take it out on others. I don't think he had many friends.
And then (now this is a fantastic example), my sister had her front teeth knocked out by a kid named Robert Smazz who had an anger problem and was famous for punching kids with very little warning. He teased my brother once in front of me and I chased him off and threatened to punch him in the face if he tried that again. I was about ten. Robert Smazz resurfaced about five years ago as impersonating a paramedic in various communities in our province, including the town I grew up in, and several cities in the Vancouver area. He had flunked out of paramedic school but somehow got his hands on a uniform and would go to hospitals on the pretext of skills assessment (we sometimes did that for licensing purposes) and start IVs and administer medications to patients. For kicks. I guess. I have no idea why he did that but there was a provincewide search going on for awhile and I called my sister and was like
MEGAN ROBERT SMAZZ IS IMPERSONATING A PARAMEDIC!!!!
She was all, OMG ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
I included his real name because he's a real life criminal. Kidding. I changed it.

I kind of figured that kids who are elementary school bullies have anger issues. Their parents are divorced or they have a weird arm deformity or they struggle in school and it makes them angry and they take it out on other kids in the playground. I totally figured the Robert Smazz's were on the fast track to fraud, so to speak.

Then, once I had kids and hung out with other moms and their kids, I started to see that every kid is good. That whole bad seed thing is a myth. Kids stumble around while they learn everything, and this includes appropriate social behaviour. Some kids are biters and others are criers and others are tattle tales but they are all good kids. When Matthew went to preschool there was another little boy there whom Matthew adored. Matthew always really wanted to be included in whatever this boy was doing during free play time, and this other boy was having none of it. He was mean to my kid, who was so open and beautiful in his adoration and generosity, and it was hard to watch. But I felt very convicted that this other boy was just a little boy, stumbling around and learning as he goes, just like my children do.
To be honest, in this instance I chalked it up to insecure attachment in the other kid and hoped his parents would connect with him before he became Robert Smazz.

Yeah, judge not lest you be judged. PLANK IN THINE OWN EYE PLANK IN THINE OWN EYE.

My kid is a bully. Before Christmas one of Matthew's friend's moms contacted me. Matthew had been physically bullying her son on the playground, and stealing parts of his lunch. We had long, protracted discussions with Matthew about appropriate touch, the nature of friendships, and appropriate social behaviour. Matthew was contrite and eventually apologized and agreed not to do it again. He was quite worried about the state of their friendship and didn't want to lose this friend of his.
And then the mom contacted me the following week because Matthew stole his friend's lunch again. Ate it in front of him. And laughed in his face. The teacher was contacted, and she implemented a life lesson approach that actually is quite impactful, usually, for Matthew: before school the next day she took the entire contents of his desk and hid them, and proceeded to teach class as usual. At lunchtime she gave the contents back, and had a long discussion about how it feels to have someone take something that belongs to you. He seemed to understand.
And then the next day he stole his friend's lunch again. This was getting ridiculous, and we were now speaking in massively redundant terms when discussing it with Matthew at home. Meanwhile, both little boys are crying and afraid of losing their friendship, the friend's dad is mad and wants to tell the principal, we are beside ourselves with frustration. We implemented the consequence of no Wii for a week (Santa brought our kids a Wii for Christmas and they can play for 30 minutes per day provided they are on pretty good behaviour), and if his brothers were playing, he had to go into a different room so that he wouldn't be tempted to watch, which is nearly as fun as playing yourself.

Brent put his foot down and told Matthew that he couldn't eat lunch with this friend anymore. He couldn't talk to him, play with him, or eat with him, since he couldn't control his behaviour with regards to the friend's lunchbox. I told Matthew that every day, his friend will go home and tell his mom whether Matthew bullied him, and his mother and I will make contact and discuss it.

No parent wants their kid to be bullied. And I can tell you from experience that no parent wants to be the parent of a bully. School pickup by now is a walk of shame. The parents of this boy are very patient and gracious people, but they are wearing thin. They just want to protect their kid, you know? He shouldn't have to be afraid at school. Or hungry. The teacher is optimistic, and has had long discussions with Matthew, Matthew and his friend, and the class as a whole. They have reviewed class rules, with deep emphasis on respect and kindness towards others.
When asked, Matthew says that his friend's lunch just looks so yummy, and I just want it really bad. We are frustrated enough to chew our own necks. Matthew knows the rules, but when the teacher is not in the class (all of this behaviour is happening during lunch hour, when older kids are brought in as lunch monitors and the teachers go to the staff room for their break), he pretty much takes what he wants and taunts his friend. Operative word: FRIEND. Like, my goodness.

Matthew is not an angry kid. He is gregarious and social, charismatic and funny, and exhibits all signs of being well attached and emotionally settled within the context of our family and his school community. He doesn't fit my stereotype of a kid who is a bully. He's no Robert Smazz. He's not even like the kid in preschool, though maybe on second thought that kid just didn't know how to cope with not wanting to play with someone. Someone who looks different, talks funny, and stutters like nobody's business, no less. Matthew's speech and language issues are largely resolved so he doesn't talk funny anymore, although he still maintains a mild stutter. Which doesn't bother him in the slightest.
We are reasonably sure that Matthew's bullying stems from a strong lack of impulse control. Since the day we adopted him, he has had difficulty with impulse control, short term memory problems, and high distractibility. He struggles academically, although with an excellent teacher and a classroom based on individualized learning he has really come quite far this year. He also has an immature and irritable bladder, so he pees his pants every single day. Usually multiple times a day. He wears a pullup at night, and it is full every morning. He had chronic, frequent ear infections as a small child and had major speech pathologies as a result. Three plus years of speech therapy and surgery to put tubes in his ears have helped HUGELY with his speech, language, and reading fluency. All of this adds up to a child who is incredibly bright, positive, friendly, helpful, and fun, who is a late bloomer, AND who merits being tested by the school district psychologist for a learning disability. The psychologist started testing in November and will be completed soon (it is taking longer than average because, her words "He is so highly distractible.") I will not be surprised if he has ADD or ADHD, and/or some sort of Sensory Processing Disorder.
HENCE, we, his teacher, and his learning assistance support staff agree that impulse control is likely at the root of his bullying behaviour at school. Particularly during unsupervised school time (because, lets face it, two eleven year olds are pretty much peers and not really authority figures at lunchtime). He wants something, and his impulse control is largely external at this point, so if no adult is around, he just takes it. He can't really deal with the immediate emotional fallout, so he taunts and teases.

So not my stereotype.

SO not what other parents, peers, non teacher adults (Matthew's soccer coach yells at him all the time because he doesn't know how to deal with Matthew's personality), and other people see when they look at him. They (often) see a bad seed. A kid they deem 'disrespectful,' 'rude,' 'not listening,' or 'mean,' instead of just a kid stumbling around making mistakes while he grows up. Plus his brain is wired differently so he has more to cope with than your average kid.

As you can imagine, being Matthew's mom is kind of like being handed a really sweet, feral cat. Good luck harnessing that one. Good luck staying sane. Just, good luck.

Today the school Vice Principal called. When I see the kids' school name on my call display I no longer think one of them is missing or hurt. I generally groan inwardly, knowing Matthew has done SOMETHING. Last year, he peed on a friend sort of by accident, and then laughed at him. The year before, he bit someone. And this year, food thief.
The VP is really nice, and sees Matthew for who he IS, not some bad seed. Thank GOD. But Matthew has now started a "Pack" in his classroom. Essentially it's a gang. They rove, steal toys, and threaten others with social ostracization if they oppose. Within the class. During lunch. Oh my GAWD. One of the other parents phoned the VP to complain (because talking to the teacher wouldn't somehow suffice, or talking to the parent of the child?! Pull out the big guns first, man. Totally).

More talk. More protracted discussion. Probably a meeting with us, teachers, learning support staff, and administration. Can I just say one thing? Okay, two.

If you come across a kid who seems like a bully, LOVE HIM ANYWAYS. If he's angry because life shit on him, or if he is simply wired differently and is stumbling around in the dark, LOVE HIM. Love him in your heart and in your actions, and be extra, extra patient.

Second, not all kids misbehave because their parents are bad parents. Misbehaviour is often just a symptom. My kid isn't angry, belligerent, or cruel. He's just so full of want. He has no filter for his wants and desires. So he takes. We're working on it. He's being tested, we're researching diet changes, supplements, alternative treatments, and educational tricks to help him build an internal filter. A sense of self control. And to calm the chatter that distracts him so viciously.

Matthew, my feral cat. Rawr.

Vegetarian Foodie Friday

2012-01-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

My friend Melodie from Breastfeeding Moms Unite! Used to host Vegetarian Foodie Fridays every week, when she was blogging regularly. One of my biggest disappointments since I started blogging was the day she announced she was going to stop writing on her blog. It still exists, and is a wonderful resource for anyone looking for a wealth of information on breastfeeding, even if Mel doesn't blog on a regular basis anymore.

I miss her Foodie Fridays. She is a vegetarian and posted a wonderful array of vegetarian recipes and ideas, which inspired me many times. We are not vegetarians in the Vose house, but it is healthy and ecological to eat less meat, so new vegetarian recipes are always welcome. I own two vegetarian cookbooks; one by John Lennon of all people, and the other by someone named Linda Fraser. I bought them when I was just starting to teach myself to cook, because cooking meat seemed very daunting. And gross. (I was a vegetarian from age 13 to age 23, so meat has not always been my friend per se). And risky! You could kill your whole family with one error! I was a bit silly. BUT the vegetarian cookbooks have come in very handy over the years, and I dip into them when I'm feeling veggie-ish.

Tonight was a veggie-ish night. We had Tomato, Lentil and Onion soup, homemade foccacia bread, and artichoke dip. Sometimes my combos are kind of funny: roast chicken with greek salad, or pizza and veggie sticks or something. The artichoke dip was really one of those last minute things that you make because it looks good and you can't get it out of your head. I needed to use up the artichokes anyways.

Without further ado~Tomato Lentil and Onion soup! (by Linda Fraser)

2 tsp sunflower oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 celery ribs, chopped
3/4 cup split red lentils
2 large tomatoes, peeled and roughly chopped (I used a jar of canned tomatoes)
3 3/4 cups (900mL) vegetable stock
2 tsp dried 'herbes de Provence'~I googled that and came up with dill, parsley, and other green dried herbs, and a dash of allspice. The dill is a really nice compliment to the tomatoes.
salt and pepper

This is my actual pot. YUMMY.

chopped parsley, to garnish (I used dried and it was fine)

1. Heat oil in a large pot. Add onion and celery and cook for 5 minute, stirring occasionally. Add the lentils and cook for 1 minute.
2. Stir in tomatoes, stock, dried herbs, salt and pepper. Cover, bring to boil and simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. When lentils are cooked and tender, set soup aside to cool slightly.
4. Puree in a blender or food processor until smooth (I used my new, Christmas immersion blender and it was AWESOME!). Season with salt and pepper, return to saucepan and reheat until piping hot. Garnish with chopped parsley (we also garnish with croutons, because croutons are the new ketchup and my kids will eat any soup as long as it has croutons on it).

My foccacca bread recipe is to die for, and it's from allrecipes.com and is called Michael's Foccacia Bread. Nobody has ever disliked this recipe, to my knowledge. =)

1 Tbsp honey
2 cups warm water
1 Tbsp dry yeast
1 Tbsp kosher salt (I'm no expert but I've been told kosher salt is less salty? If you use regular salt, use less)
1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup diced onion
5 cups all purpose flour
3 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp fresh chopped rosemary (I grew rosemary in my garden last summer, dried some in my oven, and kept it in a jam jar. LEST YOU THINK I'm a gardening diva; I did the same with parsley and wound up with a jam jar full of mold. Bwahahahahahaha.... Anyways, the dried stuff works just fine. Don't break the bank for fresh stuff)
1/4 cup fresh grated parmesan cheese (this varies for me; I don't often have enough money for fresh parm, so I use what I have on hand. Tonight it was a combo of Kraft grated dried parmesan and shredded mozzerella. Tasted good! Looked amazing! We have the Costco sized dried parm in our fridge all the time because it is similar to croutons: the kids will eat anything if you disguise it under parmesan cheese. Also, I use lots of Deceptively Delicious recipes and she uses dried parm in her recipes, too. Breaded chicken strips? Combine dried breadcrumbs with dried parm and you've got yourself an amazingly popular chicken strip.... True story!)
1 Tbsp kosher salt (see above on using less if non kosher salt)

Dissolve honey in the warm water in a large bowl, then sprinkle yeast over the top. Let stand for 5 minutes until the yeast softens and begins to foam. Stir in 1 tablespoon of salt, 1 tablespoon olive oil, onions, and 5 cups of flour until the dough comes together. Knead on a well floured surface until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes. Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 20 minutes.
Preheat oven to 415 degrees F (215 degrees C).
Place dough onto oiled baking sheet, and flatten to cover the whole sheet evenly. Use the tips of your fingers to make indentations all over the dough spaced about 1 inch apart. Drizzle the focaccia with 3 tablespoons olive oil, then sprinkle rosemary, Parmesan cheese, and remaining 1 tablespoon of kosher salt over the top. Let rise for 10 minutes
Bake in preheated oven 20 minutes until golden brown.

I cut and pasted that last bit. I hope you will forgive me. This is what the end product looks like, and it takes less than an hour:

I will be accepting the Nobel Peace Prize for this bread someday, I know it.

The dip was from a jar, where someone gifts you a jar of dried spices and you add sour cream, cheese, and artichokes and make the most amazing dip to dazzle all your friends with your culinary genius, you know? So I don't really have the recipe, other than to say "Buy a jar of artichoke dip spices and follow the instructions on the label." It was amazing, the kids wouldn't touch it, but it wasn't very photogenic so I'm not going to share a picture of it. Sorry.

I hope you enjoyed this version of Vegetarian Foodie Friday! We gobbled it up, croutons and all. Oh, and our croutons are the big Costco sized bag of chock full of everything bad for you croutons. I have made my own before but I have one word for you: FOUR KIDS.
I guess that's two.

=)

Guest Post on Momma Jorje!

2012-01-20T11:45:00.001-08:00

I have a guest post up on Momma Jorje's blog about breastfeeding Matthew!! Enjoy...

Me and the Duggars

2012-01-20T01:14:00.000-08:00

Mama Birth posted last fall about The Duggars~you know, the 19 Kids and Counting show I love so much? Well Mama Birth hit the nail on the head with this one... I ditto everything she said...

4 Reasons I React When The Duggars Get Slammed

Me, too.

Review and Giveaway

2012-01-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

I put up a new review and giveaway on Mothers of Change! This giveaway is for an amazing book, Complimentary Feeding: Nutrition, Culture and Politics, by the same author who wrote The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business (Gabrielle Palmer, adviser to UNICEF and founder of the UK IBFAN, Infant Baby Food Action Network). Check out our giveaway contest at Mothers of Change!

Riley, 8 months, eating french onion soup (visit Mothers of Change to see why this photo relates to this post!)

Update

2012-01-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

I am so behind in blogging. I apologize! I've been super busy these days--with what, I can't imagine--and I always seem to be in I'll get to it soon mode with Mothers of Change OR ye olde blog. I think a bullet post is in order...

-Brent started a new position at work. He's quite happy there and its intellectually stimulating and a nice change for him after 4 years on the road. I'm happy for him (very) but the juxtaposition with my life and the fact that I recently quit my job makes it difficult for me. Not hugely, but somewhat. I feel a bit like I'm watching him takeoff in his career just as mine halts for good. I mean, professionally I wanted a change anyways and I'm certainly filling the small amount of extra time I have with artistic and advocacy pursuits, but my gut reaction to this change in Brent's life is to feel a bit small and unimportant.
Always awesome, he's quick to reassure me that our family is the main focus of BOTH of our lives, and that given the CHOICE, he wouldn't work, but since we need an income he may as well do a job he enjoys. So that's amazing. He's just so good, and knows the right thing to say all the time. =)

-Our van heater died all the way. A few weeks ago, when we got back from Vernon. There's nothing like something not working at all to make you appreciate what you had, even when what you had was the burn and freeze. No sooner did the van heater die, and a cold front arrived, complete with ice, frost, six inches of snow, blowing wind, and bone chilling cold. It is remarkable how ironic this is.
I appreciate two things about this situation. First, that the van heater held out in burn and freeze mode for the entirety of our trip through the mountains to my parents' place and back after Christmas. Second, a friend of ours has volunteered her boyfriend to help scour the auto wreckers in our area for a new heater, which can cost the value of our commuter car when ordered new through the dealership.
At this point, the kids wear full snow gear to survive even five minute trips in the van, and I have a new appreciation for moms in colder climates, because it really does take an inordinate amount of time to gear up four kids and one mom for deep cold. Like, twenty minutes. Yes. Seriously. Normally I'm military about car seat and seat belt safety and nobody wears their coat under their belt. But I tell you, there's no way around it at sub zero with no heat.
If I could park the van in the garage it would really help because at least the seats and the air in the van would be warmer than outside temperatures but right now they are bone chilly. Our van won't fit in our garage~not because of stuff in our garage, but because our garage was built in the 80s with two small sedans in mind. There's a supporting beam smack in the middle that won't allow the van to advance far enough into the garage for the garage door to close. It's probably not that helpful to park in there anyways, since the garage is almost as cold as the driveway.
And who knew a working van heater was so fundamental to quality of life anyways? But it really does dictate my day. I HATE getting in that van and will avoid it at ALL costs, even preferring to walk to the pool in a snowstorm yesterday with Amarys on my back and Riley in the stroller rather than get in that thing and drive. It's the new way to be green. Amarys hated me for that entire walk, I tell you. If babies could swear she would have been all over that shit, yo.

-The kids are doing well. Amarys is so close to her first birthday, it is scary. Where did that year go? Wow. She's standing and walking quite a lot: she is on the verge of switching permanently from crawling to walking, but hasn't developed full confidence yet. It is funny how different each child develops; Ayden took his first steps and within two weeks was walking exclusively. He only crawled for two months because once he realized he could walk, that was it. Riley took his first steps at two months older than Ayden was, and walked exclusively about three weeks later. Maybe four. Amarys took her first steps in November and still isn't confident in her ability to walk rather than crawl! We're all different.
Riley is in full three year old mode. REEEEdiculously cute, and violently annoying, simultaneously. He just had a bad bout of some sort of Norwalk like virus. Lasted 2 full days and ruined one of our cushions. Poor kid. (and poor me. That was a lotta watery poop). He is in love with snow, and his imagination is SO cool to watch in action. He's hysterical. He still loves pink and purple, diggers, Mighty Machines, My Little Ponies, and recently pointed to a drawing full of Disney characters and said, "THIS ONE is my favourite," indicating Snow White. I love him. He's his own man.
Matthew. Well. Matthew's getting his own post in the coming days. Stay tuned.
Ayden is good also! He joined the gifted kids program at school and seems to be enjoying it. He still eats like a bird. He loves gymnastics. His life is calmer and more fun now that violin lessons have finished; he's such a serious soul that it is very good for him to be able to let loose and play, and I hadn't really realized how much the daily commitment to practicing was taking away his let loose time and enforcing that serious side of his personality. Not that I'm happy to see music lessons put on hiatus for now, but since it was financially necessary I can see a good side to it, for now.

-Amarys also had this weird health thing. She was born with this prominent lump on the back of her head, and in recent months it really was getting more noticeable. When she was born my midwife examined it and declared it normal, especially because it was bilateral. But it isn't bilateral anymore. And it is huge. So I took her to the doctor for an in depth look over, and didn't really sleep much in the days leading up to the appointment. Our doc said it is simply a bony prominence in her skull and nothing to worry about, although we are to go back in six weeks for another look. An x-ray or a CT scan would be the next investigative step, and she (and we) doesn't want to expose Amarys to unnecessary radiation if we can help it. It doesn't really seem to bother Amarys, although if you poke it a lot she jerks her head away. If you poke her anywhere she pulls away. Most people do.

-Fly lady is awesome. My house has undergone a revolution and a tidy kitchen is the new normal. This has had the unexpected and pleasant result of all of us working harder to keep things clean. I have areas of my house which I haven't fully tackled yet: the playroom and spare bedroom are the worst, and the kids' bedrooms are rarely clean. Our bedroom is moderately messy, but we now make the bed on a regular basis so it looks better. But the KITCHEN IS CLEAN. Wow. This is a first in my life. I always cleaned it every day before, but in a different configuration. Before, I would clean it before I made supper, and be too tired to clean it again after supper. AND the key to a clean kitchen, I have found, is an empty dishwasher. Who knew? Same with laundry; the key is folded and put away loads. Focus on the end, and the beginning will take care of itself. Wow. Who knew?

-Also, I have to find a new shipper for Wild Arbutus. My first order was placed through Etsy last week, and I mailed the toy I charged $15 for and it cost me nearly $12 to ship it. WOAH NELLY. Canada Post sucks my ass. There has to be a better way (AND they offer an admittedly slow shipping option to the United States which costs $5.75 so essentially you can mail a package to a different country and it costs less than half what it costs to ship a package in our own country. This is ludicrous). Oh, and I discovered that shipping costs for a company like mine include the cost of the packaging... Nearly $2 per envelope, if you buy it at the post office. There's gotta be a better deal in bulk somewhere, I just need to find it. This is called the learning curve. BUT it was exciting to get an order! Even if it was placed by my mom (thanks mom!). =) Don't forget my shop if you are thinking of a home crafted toy for any kidlets in your life... If you are local I can hand deliver rather than ship, so will save some cost.
Yay Wild Arbutus!

-I posted this on Twitter today and I wanted to share it here because it made me cry I laughed so hard: Is it *actually* bad parenting to say, "Stop acting like an asshole" to your 7 year old? Because if the shoe fits....

I'm so funny.

-Also, I love the snow. Yes, it is too cold in my van, but aside from that I LOVE the snow! It reminds me of Russia in winter, which is hilarious because I grew up in a very wintery climate so you would think it would remind me of home. But instead, it reminds me of Russia. I think this is because as an exchange student I lived in an urban area, but I grew up very rural. So the urbanish area I live in reminds me more of Nizhny Novgorod. Actually our aforementioned trek to the pool in a snowstorm had less to do with avoiding the van and more to do with wanting to walk in the snowstorm. I really, really love snow!

-I made home made sweet and sour pork last night. Sweet and sour pork is one of my all time favourite dishes in the entire world, so it was AWESOME to find a good recipe to make it myself! There is a lot of sugar in sweet and sour pork, I discovered. But it was delish!

-if there was a way to make my three year old stop talking to me for just one second of my effing life, and still be nice to him, I would pay over a million dollars for it. OMG. I used to wait in gleeful anticipation for Ayden to learn to say "mommy" and now I hate that word. Hate it. HatehatehatehateHATE. Hate. Hate. Venom. The number of times it is said in a demanding tone to me in one single day is herculean. And apparently I needed to vent a little tiny bit about that. (I may have some cabin fever. Just a touch.)

Winter Wonderland

2012-01-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

This is Langley right now.
Today, Riley and I went out to play,
and it was GORGEOUS!
I love the snow!!!

A Little Lactivism

2012-01-18T00:52:00.000-08:00

34

2012-01-15T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today is the anniversary of the first time my mom gave birth. And it was to me.
Thirty four years ago.
This past year was a full one! Here is me last year;

I've shrunk a bit since then. And I can now eat ice cream again, although for the most part I'm supposed to follow a diabetic diet to avoid or put off developing Type II diabetes after two gestational diabetes pregnancies. So about half the time these days I will turn down dessert (but likely not on my birthday). And here is me yesterday:

It's been a heck of a year, and I reckon the best one yet. We moved, had a baby, brought her home, snuggled in, welcomed spring and summer, went camping, welcomed my niece Birch, splashed around in the sun at the water park and at White Rock beach, welcomed fall, hosted thanksgiving and christmas turkey feasts, welcomed my nephew Myles, and I quit my job, and managed to avoid post partum depression or anxiety for the first time ever (WOOT!). I'm grateful for everything I have. Some days the sparkle feels like it gets a bit dull but it shines nevertheless. Like Friday morning when I realized I'd spent most of the past 4 days in the same room, with the same people (the downside to the open concept living space), and I was sick of all of them. Fortunately that evening snow began to fall and our neighbourhood transformed into a winter wonderland, muted sounds and bright winter days changing up my inner landscape just enough to relieve my cabin fever.

When Amarys was born, this verse brought me a sense of grounded calm, and the knowledge of God's grace;

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you;

not as the world gives, do I give to you.

Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

~John 14:27

My birth was full of peace, and this past year has been peaceful also. Riley's birth brought me healing, and Amarys' brought me peace. Ayden's birth brought me experiential knowledge, and Matthew's tested me with fire. Life is a long journey and each season has its beauty and its dirt, so I know this peaceful bit will eventually be interrupted, but I feel like this peace is something more than a product of the events in my life, and is something I've learned, a character quality that I will in some measure be able to take with me for the rest of my life's journey.

Hello, 34.

Breastfeeding in the Media

2012-01-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

An Adbusters spoof Ad called "Brand Baby"

All brands of awesome...

Introducing Wild Arbutus

2012-01-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have been attempting to open my own small business for several years now, selling my crochet items. I've had several opportunities to snag tables at craft fairs but never seemed to be able to stockpile enough toys to actually enter. It takes me several hours to make most of my favourite toys (the quicker, simpler ones are more boring to make) and anything less than an entire basket bursting full would be embarrassing and hard to make worth the cost of a table. [I looked into a table at the local Cranberry Festival? $250. Snort]

So instead, I opened an Etsy shop! Check it out!! Need toys for your kids, birthdays, baby showers, nieces and nephews, or for any reason, really? I'm your man. =) Wild Arbutus on Etsy. ♥

On Quitting

2012-01-11T02:25:00.000-08:00

I am a raging feminist.
I don't really advertise this fact. I shave my legs. I have a feminine haircut. But I rage.

This means I endorse (violently defend) women's right to choice. [I'm not actually debating reproductive rights; good discussion on that one here on Rixa's site, however, if you're up for that]. I think women are awesome and intelligent and multi talented with God given gifts to develop for the building up of society, family, community, and self. Hide that light under a bushel? Oh no! Want to work? Get thine ass out there and get a job. Want to stay home? AWESOME! Want to combine the two by working part time, working from home, or running your own daycare? Rock on. You all rock my world. And I'm so glad to live in a country, in a time, in a society where choice is possible.

A few weeks ago, I quit my job. Woah, nelly, that was hard for me to do, emotionally. Partly because I come from a line of women who work(ed--many are retired). My mom and her sisters worked. My other aunts worked. My grandmothers worked. Part time, full time, time off til the youngest was in school: this looked different for everyone, but they all worked. Some from necessity and others from choice, but I think all of them liked working. It's empowering, contributing tangibly to something important outside your home, you know? And bringing home money. I just always assumed I would work, too. Since I had Ayden I have opted mostly to work part time. Sometimes I worked full time one week, none the following week, or full time for a few months here and there. And for a short, six month period when Brent was at job training I worked sixty hour work weeks to put food on the table and pay for our house. Because training cops and paying them at the same time is somehow ridiculous. Anyways. That period of time was very, very hard, but I liked being the breadwinner for a bit. It was quite nice, caring for my family by providing for them. Being the main (only) source of income and actually doing not a bad job of it. I don't endorse sixty hour work weeks, especially when your poor kids are apart from their daddy and have the added weight of far less time with mommy as she frantically tries to pull in enough to survive on, but the breadwinning part was nice.

[oh, and did I mention I was pregnant with Riley? Oh, and did I mention that I worked in a very demanding job with a bunch of men who hated working with pregnant women? Oh, yes. And did I mention how very much I missed my husband when he was away? The worst part was the loneliness. But most of you know all that because you've been reading since those days!!! Ah, fun times.]

Anyways, after Riley was born and we had three kids I went back to work very part time, one day a week. But you know, even that was insane. Nobody ever had clean underwear, school notices got lost, playdates got forgotten, and our house was a disaster. We both felt like we were running a relay race, full out sprinting all the time; either we were working our rather demanding jobs, or we were running the home show alone while the other one was working (or at least, it felt like it, even though I only worked ONE day a week). Our kids always had one parent or the other with them, but it was too rushed. Too crazy. Too wild for us, as the adults. It wasn't the life I wanted, because you really only get ONE life, and you build it, you choose it, you live it, right? So I wanted to build something a little different. Something with a little more calm, a great deal more peace, and something that would enable me to have four kids and still sink my teeth into a solid relationship with each one of them. Every time my life gets crazy I evaluate it and think, what can I do? Sometimes I just readjust my thinking a little, or go to bed at a different time, or for awhile after we adopted Matthew I got a babysitter for two hours once a week so I could paint (wow, I wish we could afford that now). And sometimes, I subtract something from my life, just to enhance the quality of the rest of my life. Not wanting to subtract any people or anything, I decided to subtract my job.

This is scary. I have to give up full control over income to my husband. No more saving up my income and living on his when we had an extra bill or something. No more working a few extra shifts just to save up for something we wanted. I have to just relinquish control and allow my hubs to carry it all. This feels so ultra non feminist (for ME). I've always had some sort of an income, pittance or not. And now I don't. Well, I have CCTB and Universal Child Care benefits from the government (hello, I love Canada!!!), which, because I have so many kids, amounts to almost $500 per month. But that's a pretty low income. :S
SO. I'm coming to terms with the relinquishing of control AND the fading of a professional persona and a professional dream I had. I'm okay, I was ready to leave my job anyways and I feel like I'm morphing as far as professional dreams go. I've changed my mind for now with regards to midwifery school and I'm going to just take what little, tiny bits of time I have and devote them to writing, art, and fiber crafting. (Fancy word for crochet, but includes knitting and hopefully also learning felting). I have always been an artist first, and a scientist second. Being pragmatic I know that artists don't make a living very often, so I figured as an artist I needed a day job. Hence, science. Much more lucrative (though looking at my Ambulance Service wage, NOT ACTUALLY MUCH. Ha ha.). I didn't also figure in kids for that equation, and was finding I couldn't do justice to all three: art, science, and family, so science got the axe. Too bad science was the one with the paycheque.

The actual living life without a job is (mostly) really nice. My home is more organized. My kids are always in clean underwear, unless they pee in them, and I have scraps of time to crochet and paint. And more will come, soon, because every nanosecond these kids grow a foot and a half and accrue better vocabulary until I need a dictionary just to keep up with after school conversation (said dictionary needs to include all Wii terminology and Club Penguin characters, BTW), and pretty soon I will have four in school and more time for crafting and arting and all manner of work with no pay. I like my life, it is manageable, it is good, it is full. But the image of my life is harder for me to cope with. What people think, or might think, when they ask me that inevitable, "So what do you do?"
Ah, um, uh... I'm a doula! is what I usually come up with. Or I'm an artist works, too. I hate being put in a box. And I hate even more the potential of being put in a drone box, ykwim? That stereotype, that drone mom with all those kids and a minivan and churchy ideas and conservative mennonite hair. You know that mom. I'm allergic to becoming that mom.

Funny enough I had this enlightening conversation with a mom friend of mine who has been my friend for over ten years. She has three kids, and always worked one day a week. I realized recently that although we worked the same number of days per week, she identifies as a stay at home mom, and I always identified as a working mom. Isn't that funny? She considers her job as this side thing she sort of does, but really she's a stay at home mom. And I considered my job a vocation and a calling as well as claiming motherhood in all its glory and for most of my waking hours. We worked the same amount.
And even now, I identify with some sort of vocation rather than my relational status. I can't handle I stay home with my kids as a vocation, because I'm just so much more than what springs to mind when I apply that phrase to myself. We all are, no matter what, but for me for some reason the title or vocation I give myself needs to be definitive, and it needs to be separate from my being a parent.

When I did quit my paramedic gig, it was because Human Resources called me to ask when I would be returning to work after my maternity leave finished? Uh, never. There was an official process and HR and my bosses were quite nice about it, and in the end they wanted to do an exit interview. I was to drive out to Chilliwack which is forty minutes from my house, and do this interview and hand in my uniforms all at the same time. I had to cancel my interview on the day of and I was so bummed. I couldn't figure out why I was moping around with this huge sense of letdown until I figured out, I had been looking forward to one final important, official, jobby thing that required a commute and a uniform and an adult oriented meeting that had nothing to do with anyone stealing anyone else's lunch at school or anyone's behaviour at swimming lessons. And then it was cancelled. Boo.

So I'm jobless. And incomeless. And HAPPY about staying home and investing in a life I've crafted for myself to be a good balance of kids and home and art and love. And a wee bit ambiguous about it all.

So. Quitting. It's a mixed bag.

Milk Donors, Wet Nurses, and Diseases: Is It Safe?

2012-01-11T00:55:00.001-08:00

Excellent post on the safety of milksharing by Cinco De Mommy!!

Quote of the Day

2012-01-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

From the Momastery via Anktangle

Alpine Heliport

2012-01-09T09:19:00.000-08:00

12 hours of staking claims
in gnarled green wool
deep enough to hide a man
or a grizzly
anywhere

and now we huddle at 7000 feet
on the edge of this turquoise tarn
stinging chapped lips
with California oranges

the lake is an oiled slab of gemstone
where quartz clouds slide
like piebald ballet dancers
on silent skates

but these mountains are livid with flies
right to the Yukon horizon
where they fold into grey
convolutions of a brain

and each man searches deliberately
for a dragonfly
on the gathering sunset

-Al Smith

Funny Story III

2012-01-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

We went to visit my parents between Christmas and New Year's. They live in a farmhouse in the Okanagan, and the room we were sleeping in has a broken, water damaged window and window frame which pretty much stops the wind from blowing into the room about as effectively as a bug screen. So I taped two pillows to the window to slow down the wind, and we moved the bed to a different wall further away from the window.

This had a funny consequence. That night, I put Amarys to sleep on the floor because she moves so much while she is sleeping that it is not safe for her to be on the bed alone, or on the bed on the outside of me. She has to be between us so she will have natural bumpers while she does her nighttime snow angel routine. I put her to bed long before we go to bed, so she was safest on the floor.
One night, before we realigned the bed, she woke up with her head stuck sideways under our bed frame and I had to get Brent to lift the bed UP to get her out, so it's not a foolproof dealio, putting snow angels to bed on the floor.

Anyways, on the night we realigned things, she stayed alseep when we went to bed so I left her on the floor. Brent got up in the middle of the night and started trying to take the full length mirror off the wall in the bedroom. Perplexed, I asked him what he was doing?

Going to the bathroom, he replied.

Are you sleepwalking? I asked.

No I'm going to the bathroom!!

And he continued scrabbling around with the mirror. I thought he must be confused because we moved the bed, because the bathroom door was about six feet to his right. So I told him and he turned around and walked towards the bed, in a direct line to step on Amarys.

DON'T STEP ON THE BABY!!! I yelled in the whisper-ma-yell of late night guests, who happen to be alarmed.

Okay, I'm just going to the bathroom, he says, and pulls Amarys' blanket off of her.

At this point I'm pretty certain he's off his rocker.

NO DON'T PICK HER UP PLEASE DON'T PICK HER UP SHE'S SLEEPING DON'T WAKE HER!!!

Okay, he said, and picked up the baby and handed her to me. She was a little confused, having been deeply asleep until that moment.

And then he went to the bathroom.

He remembers nothing of this incident.

2012-01-04T22:53:00.001-08:00

"How Can You Have Too Many Children? That's Like Saying You Have Too Many Flowers" ~ Mother Teresa

10 Months Old!

2012-01-04T22:27:00.001-08:00

Helping with dinner. Marinating a potato with saliva, then adding turmeric

I can not believe that ten months have passed already! Remember when she looked like this?

2 weeks old

It is almost unfair how fast the first year goes, and how quickly they grow. She's such a peanut. ♥

So her latest things are that she popped her first tooth on December 30th! She also has started signing "milk" which of course she does when she wants to breastfeed, but she will also do if she wants ME in general, or just really really really wants something and can't seem to get us to do it. I think it is her only 'word' and if she gets frustrated she communicates with it, even though it isn't the right word for what she wants...
She will also sign "milk" while breastfeeding, which is so cool, and to me is the best thing about baby signing~they can communicate with you what they are thinking about at a really young age. She's thinking, "milk! I'm having milk!" and wants to 'talk' about it, so she signs to me. When they get a little older they can tell you they are looking for the 'bird' that was at your back window yesterday, by signing 'bird' even though they can't talk yet, or something similar. It always surprises me what good memories babies have, and what they are thinking about when they start expanding their sign vocabulary!
She also took her first steps just before 9 months, as I told you, but hasn't gotten fully confident about walking just yet. She will take three or four steps at once here and there, but for the most part she is lacking in confidence. And she crawls really fast, so walking must seem rather tedious and inefficient. =)

Last Sunday at church she fell and hit her mouth and bled everywhere; the piece of skin that connects the upper gums to the upper lip got cut all the way through~between that and cutting new teeth (there are two more right behind the first one) her mouth is pretty sore. Poor baby. And poor us; she's pretty cranky!

To fend off comments about how she's so happy all the time...

With all her new mobility (add climbing to the mix; you have seen all the basket and hearth pictures, but she also climbs anything she can manage to get onto, and will climb up staircases every chance she gets) she has thinned out already, not so rolly polly around the belly anymore! I noticed it when I had to start fastening her diapers tighter around the legs and waist again~I love the adjustability of Fuzzibunz. Awesome.

Her hair is getting longer and is as wild and spiky as ever, although with some water and slicking down repeatedly we can sometimes get it to stay down. I think she looks more like a boy with it down flat. Of course that doesn't bother me. I like to dress her up all pretty but I also like to dress her neutral (today she looked like a boy for the first half of the day, and a girl for the second half after she explode-a-pooped on her boy outfit: best of both worlds), because some days it's nice to just be a person instead of who the world wants you to be, in so many ways...

Amarys' likes and dislikes haven't changed much in the last thirty days so I will hold off on the list for now. But we took the kids swimming last week as a family and I think we can add waterbaby to her list of likes! She loooooved the pool! When I took the boys back again this week for swimming lessons she was determined to get in the water, too, and was pretty disappointed (a.k.a. screaming like a veloceraptor and clawing at my face) when I didn't take her in this time.
She talks in her sleep.
She eats everything and loves it all.
She loves to be carried.
I love to do laundry that has pink and purple in it that isn't mine.


Aaaaand cute. She looks like my cousin Sara in this hat, for some reason :)

Don't mind the fact that I look like my head was replaced by a Canon in the above photo *eyeroll*~Amarys looked really cute so who cares that I look weird? =) I don't mind the camera in the photo but in this picture it has replaced my head completely...

I'm astonished by her energy. I've had energetic kids since day #1, so that is nearly nine years, and this kid is the energizer bunny. When she's falling asleep she literally does laps around her bed, talking, scratching the mesh bedrails, kicking the head board, screeching at the night light, and performing olympic style gymnastic routines while nursing, until eventually she crashes. All day she's on the move. When she's nursing, she's flailing a foot around and trying to catch it with one of her hands, while repeatedly bending her other knee in a semi headstand. When she's playing, she is flinging toys around and squawking. I knew this about her before she was born; she would kick me with persistent irritation all day long in the womb, warming up for marathons in the evening and finally dropping off to sleep at night. Mommy's little monster! I'm also astonished at my patience with her. Although I still live with an anxiety disorder, it is well controlled and this post partum year has been the calmest and happiest of all four of my kids. This carries me really far when I need to dig deep to get through another day with the teething velocoraptor velcro girl who will not be comforted. Or simply the climbing machine on steroids, Little Miss Determination tackling the chairs in the dining room!

Smart and sassy, that sums her up. And beloved.

Double Milk Love~On Breastfeeding Two (and then some)

2012-01-04T00:29:00.000-08:00

Some women tandem nurse (breastfeed more than one child at once) for an extended period of time. Go mommas! Women are great. I only tandem breastfed for 7.5 months, but I wanted to write a bit about my experience before it fades. Tandem nursing was like one of those weird things you hear about but not many women you know actually do... Or maybe just not that many women you know actually do in front of you... Because older toddlers and preschool aged kids who breastfeed don't nurse that often, and sometimes mommas prefer to shy away from criticism and just avoid nursing them in public.
I didn't shy away from breastfeeding Riley in public, but I did censor it for some extended family members. One day shortly after Amarys was born my sister in law came to visit and Riley collapsed in a heap of jumbled, new-sister-in-the-house emotions, and the kindest thing to do for him right then was to breastfeed him. So I did. My sister in law was kind enough to keep her eyeballs up off the floor but I know she had no idea I was still breastfeeding him until that moment.
Ah, life. SO FUNNY! She didn't say anything.

Anyways, some few things about tandem breastfeeding that I noted...

First, the best best best thing about breastfeeding two in the first week was that Riley could help me when my breasts were too full and Amarys wasn't hungry. To combat my tendency towards breastmilk oversupply, I 'block fed' Amarys from day one. Block feeding is when you feed a baby more than one time in a row on the same breast. So for example I would feed her at one o'clock until she was full and happy and fell asleep, and then when she woke up at two o'clock to feed again, I would feed her on that same breast again until she was full and happy and fell asleep again. Every woman is different but I find that my supply in the first six months after my baby is born is best controlled with two or three block feeds in a row before switching sides. For most women, this will significantly decrease their milk supply so this technique is really only for women who are sure they have too much milk. Well, it worked really well to do it from birth this time; my previous babies I didn't start block feeding until well into the first month or two and I had way too much milk, forceful letdown, vomity, gassy, unhappy babies, pain for me, and very rapid infant weight gain. This time I managed to avoid much of that, but it meant my first week was miserable. I have never felt the excruciating pain of engorgement quite like I did when block feeding that first week after Amarys was born. It felt like broken glass was inside my breasts every time I moved them, cutting me up from the inside. Ohhhh, the pain. Riley was handy. He would nurse and take the edge off my engorgement if I needed some relief. Also, those first days when engorgement happens it is really difficult for a newborn to latch on; my boobs were enormous and hard, and the areola impossible to stuff deep into her mouth like it should be to create an effective latch. Riley was happy to help me out there, too, and empty them out a bit so Amarys could latch better. WOW was that awesome.

It was also really nice to be able to comfort Riley in a really tangible, skin to skin, cuddly, nurturing way as he adjusted to life as no-longer-the-youngest. I really think he had little jealousy because I was still breastfeeding him. I didn't limit him much those first weeks because he needed the extra cuddles. The only thing I really didn't like doing was actually nursing them both at the exact same time, so that didn't happen in the early days. It also takes a fair amount of work to get a newborn to latch and stay latched effectively for an entire feed, and they are floppy so they need more support. My breasts are ginormosauruses so they need support in the early days, too. Supporting a breast, a newborn, AND making room for a preschooler on my lap was a bit too tall an order for me. I think I tried once or twice and wound up a sticky, sweaty, disheveled mess, with a two crying kids on my hands and no milk in anybody. So, while I breastfed Riley largely on demand those first weeks, I didn't always say yes, because sometimes (often) I was breastfeeding his sister. She obviously needed it more. =) But nursing him when he wanted allowed him to reconnect on a deep level and avoid jealousy for the most part. And it was his reward for sticking it out with breastfeeding through pregnancy, to have scads of milk on tap again. I'm so, so glad we made it all the way through my pregnancy without weaning. I treasured that relationship and wanted to end on a positive note, and he really still seemed to still need it.

When Amarys was able to hold her head up for extended periods I got so that I *could* nurse them tandem, but I hated it. The only time I resorted to true tandem breastfeeding was when Brent was working nights and I put all four kids to bed on my own. Amarys would be tired and hungry and overstimulated and attack me like a leech and Riley would be wailing for milk to fall asleep to, so I would lie on his bed and nurse him lying down, and prop Amarys up across me 'standing up,' supporting her with my underneath arm and my breast with my top arm. I may have needed a few chiropractic adjustments just from those nights alone! Sweaty, disheveling, but not impossible. Milk in two kids: mission accomplished. Riley got stepped on, kicked, and puked on more than once.

I far preferred curling up with one or the other of them and nursing them alone. This worked beautifully when Amarys slept ten to twelve hours at night without waking (remember that? Me, too. She doesn't really do that anymore). But whenever she didn't (she went through phases), it was an all night snack bar in my bed. Some nights when Amarys was around six months old, I got only two or three hours of sleep total. Interrupted. Up, down, and sideways. So I night weaned Riley, who is freaking stubborn about only two or three things in life and I'm one of those things. Although I night weaned him he was still up in my face eleven billion times a night, asking for milk or to hold my hand or for help going pee...
Gar.
Mainly, though, those weeks were fewer than the weeks of happy snuggling. And eventually I worked out a system of sleeping and waking and feeding and not feeding that ensured sleep for me and milk in tummies at the right times. It helped that I'm an experienced mom. And experienced nurser. I know that each phase passes so much quicker than it feels like it ever could when you are new to it, so even the most interminable nights didn't seem so awful. And I had all kinds of tricks up my sleeve from having other babies and hearing other moms talk about their tricks, so I weathered it okay. My amazing hubs helped tons, too. Some days I just said, "I gotta go!" and walked out of the house for an hour and Brent would cheerily wave goodbye and look after all four kids and ask if I had enough of a break when I got back. He's a weird sock matcher but he's got his good side. =) And never, never, NEVER once in all my years of breastfeeding did he ever suggest I do anything but exactly what I felt was best. Breastfeed more, less, older, younger, in public, in private, in front of his family, at night, during the day, two at once, or none at all. He supported me one hundred percent. He's a miracle. I didn't find him of my own merit; God dropped him in my lap and said,
ENOUGH ALREADY. You're a terrible mate selector. CHOOSE THIS.
Oh, so much wiser than I.
=)

I eventually asked Riley to stop breastfeeding. We had been talking about it in an abstract way for several months, discussing how old he might be when he stopped having milkies, and how that might feel, and how much he loved it and had enjoyed milkies since the day he was born. He was totally willing to talk about weaning; some days he would say he would probably breastfeed until he was four, and other days until he was eight (grossing Ayden out, being eight himself), but he wasn't really taking any leaps towards actually stopping the milkies. I told him how much I liked cuddling with him when he had milk, but that his mouth and teeth were getting big and that his teeth often hurt me, which they did despite lots of work on his latch. And I said sometime soon maybe we should stop. He wasn't keen on the idea but I emphasized the positive things about growing up and being big (while choking back tears that he was actually old enough to have this conversation with; what happened to my 10 lb 2 oz chubby baby??!!). Like going to Strong Start, watching Dora, riding his bike, playing at the park, and traveling to Victoria with his Nana. He liked that. And he tolerated it when one morning after a particularly painful morning nursing session with me grinding my teeth in frustration, I told him, I think that after today we won't have milkies anymore. He asked for about a week, but I reminded him of the joys of being a big boy, and empathized with how nice it was to have milk and how he missed it, and he perked up. We warmed him up some milk in a sippy cup for the first few nights, just so he had something similar to help him settle in, but after awhile he didn't want it anymore, and he stopped asking to nurse.

I miss it, but I don't. I have another baby to breastfeed and it is nice to focus solely on her (I just recently stopped donating milk for Brayden as well, which I'm going to write about in another post, so it really is, finally, just her). I felt very good about what I was able to accomplish with three plus years of breastfeeding Riley, and think we weaned at exactly the right time for us. In a pretty gentle way. ♥

Linky

2012-01-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

Man, I learn a lot just by being a birth junkie.... Who knew that, aside from blood, the umbilical cord contains a substance called Wharton's Jelly, which occludes the umbilical cord in the first minutes after birth? All this clamping and cutting we're doing; NOT NECESSARY! Totally cool.

And how cool is it that it's a tissue and it is called Wharton's Jelly?!! Sounds like somebody's gramma's jam recipe.

I wrote a post about the wonders of Wharton's Jelly on Mothers of Change, if you'd like to read about what I learned! Interesting stuff! =)

Did You Ever Get That Clausterphobic Feeling?

2012-01-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

Milk Love~Breastfeeding and Pregnancy

2012-01-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

I love breastfeeding my babies. I enjoy the intense intimacy that comes with the breastfeeding relationship. I make milk, I snuggle up with my current littlest, and I nourish his or her heart, body, and mind all at once. Milk is love, for them and for me. It is a cool, tangible, miraculous thing to give love in the form of life's most basic food to the most important little people in your life.
When Riley was nearly two, I got pregnant with Amarys and started something that I had not experienced before~breastfeeding while pregnant. I knew that 62% of children who are breastfeeding when their mother gets pregnant will wean before the end of pregnancy [according to the LLL textbook, the Breastfeeding Answer Book]. Since Riley was still quite attached to breastfeeding I wanted him to have a chance to nurse for longer than 2 years, which had been my minimum goal. I figured I would try to get through the pregnancy still nursing, and tandem nurse for awhile afterwards. I also knew that breastfeeding while pregnant could be uncomfortable.
At first, I didn't notice much change. I still produced milk, Riley still nursed, and it didn't bother me. On his second birthday, I still had milk dripping when he popped off to scamper away and play...and the following day (which marked the end of my first trimester), I didn't. My milk was gone overnight.
Riley didn't seem to notice =)

Riley, nursing near the end of my first trimester

I started getting restless while nursing, though. Every time I lay down to breastfeed him I just wanted to leap up and go tidy the bathroom, or toss on some laundry, or drive somewhere in the van. It was almost like an itch. I made myself sit still but it was weird. I didn't restrict him at this point, because I was afraid of him losing interest or forgetting his latch. He powered along as though nothing had changed. I guess he was quite a boob man.
About halfway through my second trimester my breasts got pretty sore. This was different from my previous pregnancies, because one of my first signs of pregnancy, before my period is late or nausea begins, is agonizingly sore boobs. Like, if they move, they are on fire. I take my bra off at the end of the day and have to gently lower them into their (sweep the floor saggy) natural position. But I guess because I was still nursing Riley, this didn't happen when I got pregnant with Amarys (and in fact made me feel pretty sure I wasn't pregnant that month, though we had been 'trying.' For us that means Brent sneezes in my direction, unprotected). Instead, it happened about a month after my milk dried up. I was so mad!! Here my breasts were already producing milk and didn't have to go through the painful hormonally induced changes of preparing to make milk, and then they stop making milk in order to prepare making milk again. OMG. It was like watching a fly bat at the window. Redundant, anyone? Only, it was much more painful. So here my breasts were sensitive enough to need advance mental preparation for bra removal and my two year old wanted frequent access to them, in order to knead, pinch, smack, and pick at them while nursing (with no milk). And I was still restless. It about drove me up the wall!
Nipple sensitivity frequently accompanies pregnancy, and of course that developed overnight, too. Not only did my breasts kill me, but my nipples were very sore. All the time. So pretty quickly I asked Riley only to nurse at night. And quickly after that, only while falling asleep and when waking up. And quickly after that, only for five minutes while falling asleep. As I neared my third trimester breastfeeding felt like applying razor blades to my nipples, and some nights I could barely get through five minutes. One night, I couldn't do it at all. Riley cried, because he felt so sad that he was hurting me, and because he loved breastfeeding and found it comforting and wanted to do it more frequently and for longer. I felt terrible because I just couldn't take much breast handling and because I felt like we had temporarily lost our nursing relationship. We were just getting through this phase, rather than enjoying it or feeling snuggly and close.
Pretty soon, though, the pain got less intense. A few weeks into my third trimester, the pain eased off and I wasn't restless at all anymore. Six weeks before Amarys was due, I heard Riley start swallowing again! A few days later he popped off and declared, "Der is MILK in dere!!!" and grinned. We made it!!
I started allowing him to nurse more frequently, and for longer, because it was more comfortable and I was happy to feel positive about breastfeeding again. I also knew it would help me produce a good quantity of colostrum for Amarys, who would be needing it in good volume because of my diabetes. We snuggled in to relish the final weeks with Riley as my littlest baby. He was in heaven.

On the morning of February 28th, after several days of piddling around with medium hard Braxton Hicks contractions and some hardcore nesting, I woke up having regular contractions. Nothing full blown or active, but a little more than 'practice' labour. My body putzed around all day in early labour. Every time I breastfed Riley, my labour would kick up several notches and I would think, "This is IT!" and call my midwife and get all into the labour zone.... And then it would fade off again. Finally, before dinner I thought, "Enough of this shit. I'm getting this show on the road." I pulled out my breast pump to add to my colostrum and donor milk stash to take with me in case Amarys needed supplementing because of unstable blood sugar~and because I knew that a serious pumping session could push my labour over the edge into a good pattern. I was so grateful to still be breastfeeding Riley; he could be comforted, I could have extra colostrum on hand, and my labour could get extra oxytocin boosts, naturally, while it putzed around in the early stages trying to decide whether it was serious or not.

That was it. I pumped for twenty or thirty minutes, ate dinner, and by the end of my meal I was standing through every contraction and smacking my hand on the table for rhythm. THIS WAS IT. I phoned my midwife and she asked,
"Do you want me to come there and check you, or do you want to meet at the hospital?"
"MEET ME AT THE HOSPITAL GET THE BAGS IN THE CAR GET THE KIDS IN THE CAR DON'T FORGET MY EXERCISE BALL BRING THE BREASTFEEDING PILLOW NO I WILL NOT WEAR MY FUCKING SEATBELT YOU DAMN HUSBAND YOU, NO MATTER HOW NICELY YOU ASK. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THIS FROM THE LAST TIME??!!"
Which is how I was thinking it in my head, but I'm actually very ZEN during labour so everything came out pretty politely. Except the seatbelt bit. That was the same in my head as it was in my voice. [Bless Brent's heart, he is a cop after all: a seatbeltless labouring wife is like this wild, angry bear on the hood of his police car. Hard to control. Necessary to transport.]
We got to the hospital around 7:45 or so. I laboured in the tub with Brent and mom and my midwife sitting on stools and the top of the toilet lid and the three boys milling in and out, and my friend Louise taking pictures so quietly and unobtrusively that I didn't even notice it, until almost 1 o'clock in the morning. Riley must have known how hard I was working, because he didn't ask to nurse at all.
I got out of the tub and got pushy immediately. Something in me knew that although I felt some pressure and a labour lull in the tub; sure signs of full dilation-- the lack of gravity was stopping me from really feeling the urge to push. I have big babies that take a ton of work to push out, so I really do need gravity on my side. Of course I also hate to push so I kind of stayed in the tub even though I knew it was keeping me from really getting into the pushing stage. Of course you can't avoid any stage of labour forever; you eventually have to walk through it, so I got out of the tub. My midwife was asking me to anyways~she had some excuse about IV antibiotics and although I knew she wouldn't MAKE me get out, it is against hospital policy to actually deliver in one of those tubs so she had to think of some reason to nudge me out. We had discussed it beforehand and she didn't give a rat's ass if I refused hospital policy on the tub thing, but she did tell me she would have to ask me to get out.
I was hoping to deliver in the tub, but I wasn't deeply attached to the idea. And in the moment, it wasn't ideal to stay in the tub anyways. So I got out.

Of course, this post is supposed to be about breastfeeding Riley, not giving birth to Amarys, but I didn't want to leave you hanging because nursing was a big part of her labour. And then I can't leave out the birth part.

So, I got out and decided to pee and WHAM I had a reverse vomit contraction. My body was determined to channel Amarys directly into the toilet. My midwife abandoned the IV idea and tried to get me off the toilet. I remember thinking, WHY?! Babies are born on the toilet ALL THE TIME! CINCO DE MOMMY DID IT AND NICKNAMED HER BABY PORCELAIN BECAUSE OF IT!
In my head I thought through the situation and I decided that I wasn't attached to the toilet, but I WAS attached to sitting upright and delivering OFF THE BED. So I asked for the birthing stool (I know, Surrey's birthing unit ROCKS~they have birth stools, birth balls, huge tubs (not in every room), awesome showers, squat bars, and of course all the conventional medical crap too), and my midwife set the bed up so the stool was on the end of the bed, with the bed broken down into an upper and lower part. It was perfect! I could sit upright and push over a space, there was a soft landing for the baby, and my midwife could catch without breaking her back or making out with the hospital floor.

One hour of hard, marathon running, sweating buckets, push like hell labour later, and Amarys slid earthside. I lunged for her. I drew her up to me and held her skin to skin and blissed out on baby. I laughed when I found out she was a girl. After the cord had stopped pulsing and Amarys had had a good mad cry about being out in the cold (damn she was loud, right from the first cry), I cut the cord myself. She was alert and active. She nursed soon after, latched immediately, and swallowed audibly. She didn't leave my chest until three hours afterwards, when she was finally weighed, measured, and head to toed.
Her blood sugars were perfect.

Cathy hands me Amarys

My placenta was a bit sticky; it took longer than average to come out, and despite being skin to skin and nursing, wouldn't come out on its own. So I agreed to an oxytocin shot. In hindsight I would like to have tried sitting upright again instead of lying on my back all blissed out on baby and skin to skinning, but I forgot about that option in the moment. It was a good forty minutes or so after the birth, so I had had my birth high and we had nursed lots and bonded so I was okay with the oxy.
The next day we were discharged around 9 in the morning and went home. It was sunny and warm. The car was so quiet with only Brent, myself, and teensy Amarys in it [all 9 lbs 1 oz of her: TEENSY MY ASS. LITERALLY], and we stopped at the Tim Horton's drive through for breakfast.

When we got home and inside and photographed like the paparazzi and settled and showered and everything, we cuddled in to bed. Riley came in and asked for milk, and snuggled in on my other side and nursed. It was awesome. No longer painful, no longer restless, no longer negative. We got our breastfeeding relationship back, and snuggled in for milkies for another seven and a half months, until he was three years and two months old. Pretty good. I'm very happy to have stuck it out through my pregnancy and to have tandem nursed, and ended on a good note.

Snuggled up in bed the first day

Double milkies, October 2011

First Violin Recital

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

Ayden was so nervous for his first violin recital. It took Brent all of twenty minutes to talk him out of the van! We didn't want to make him play in the recital per se, but we wanted him to give it a shot and not be held back by fear (he said, "I'm afraid everyone will laugh at me!" which of course is not true at a kids' music recital, since everyone is in the same boat and just thinks all the kids are amazing for getting anything resembling a coherent noise out of an instrument). In the end Suzie got him to warm up, and he was last on the roster so he had a chance to see that many other kids were at a similar level to him. And then he rocked it, and he was so pleased with the experience in the end!
Sometimes it can be tough to know when to respect your child's space or preference for something, and when to challenge them beyond their comfort zone, in hopes they will discover something they truly like. I'm not sure Ayden passed into the category of actually liking violin, but he got to experience the joy of performing, and audience applause for a job well done. Verrrry cute.
We are also taking Ayden out of voilin lessons for the time being, for financial reasons, so this was his first and last recital, for now. I'm sad because (a) it is a dumb reason to quit lessons, (b) he was hitting his stride with practicing, feeling confident, and learning to like it, and (c) he has an ear and affinity for music, which he was born with. And also (d) I played violin for years and it was cool to have a kid choose the same instrument I enjoyed for so long. AND also maybe (e) it was good for Ayden to participate in something that took work to master. He tends to prefer to master skills quickly and easily, and to quit if he doesn't. That approach isn't going to particularly help him in life, so challenging him to persist when a skill has a steeper learning curve has been helpful. Our plan is to 'take a break' from lessons and hopefully return to them when we can afford to again.
Go Ayden! He played "Good King Wenceslas" and played well. Most of all, he was proud of himself once he finished, and people were genuinely pleased at his bravery and cuteness. Woot!


Ayden and his teacher Suzie setting up

Little Sisters

2011-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

The night before...


My friend's husky needed holiday dogsitting: she's huge. Her name is Patty.

Our dog Simon, who is still looking for a new home after 3 false starts

Christmas morning!!

My organized hubs: I do the everyday cooking, he does holiday fare...and does it well

After this point we took no photos because we got wrapped up in cooking and eating and enjoying Great Grandma Vose's company.... It was an awesome Christmas!! =)

More BABYBABYBABYBABY!!!

2011-12-26T10:26:00.000-08:00

My blogger friend Jorje had her baby this morning--congrats to Jorje and family on the arrival of baby Spencer!! Yippee!! *jumps for joy* It sure is baby season!!! =)

Christmas Eve Jammies

2011-12-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

BABYBABYBABYBABY!!!!!!!!

2011-12-24T00:54:00.000-08:00

I have a new nephew!!!! Myles Corbin. 6 lbs 15 oz, born yesterday evening (Dec. 22nd)

Isn't he sooooo cute?!?!! I can't WAIT to meet him! [Ruben needed a wrestling partner.... Ella needed Ruben to have a wrestling partner... =)]

On Schooling

2011-12-22T00:38:00.000-08:00

My friend Melissa wrote a series recently about education that I thought was very well done. She looks at her own childhood experiences with public school and homeschooling in Part I and Part II, then her experience as a teacher and her educational philosophy in her conclusion, Part III. She's a wonderful expert to have around when discussing education and I really appreciated what she had to say about her experiences; as a student, as a teacher, and now as a parent. In fact, her series inspired me to write about a few of my own thoughts on education, especially as it pertains to my children. I like Melissa's approach, which is flexible and open to many possibilities, and above all puts the child's freedom at the centre of educational focus. I have a soft spot in my heart for Montessori style education; my Aunt Lynne is a Montessori expert and has special training as a Montessori educator. She doesn't teach at the moment because she's so busy being an expert adviser to the government on early childhood education. =) She rocks my socks.

Ayden went to a Montessori preschool. Both my kids are in a multi aged classroom at their public school which is loosely based on the Montessori method. If I had my 'druthers, my kids would go to the private Montessori school here in town but at $15,000 per year per student PFFFFFFFTTTTT that's not an option. So, we have an appreciation for Dr Montessori's educational methods in common (though by far my Aunt Lynne and Melissa would be better experts on me in this area), and I appreciate Melissa's style.

With that segue I'd like to say that I think my fundamental educational philosophy is one of universal access. I believe in education, period. I've traveled a bit, and seen a great number of situations involving poverty and lack of access to education, which perpetuates poverty. I am no expert on the affects of poverty nor its connection with education, but WHO research and experts like Greg Mortenson (from Three Cups of Tea) attest that the link is powerful.
I ascribe to Greg Mortenson's belief that education needs to involve the basics of literacy and mathematics. In particular, educating girls has a huge impact on community quality of life, and WHO/UN research shows a minimum grade 5 educational level is the bottom line that makes the difference when it comes to changing poverty levels.

I think that some of that translates into a non poverty context as well. The basic tenets of education is access to it, particularly educational basics~literacy and mathematics. The reason I mention this in a first world context is because I have seen intense poverty in rural Canada that shocked me to my core. Much of this was linked to a reduced access to education (amongst many multi layered cultural and social problems). A good portion of the adults I came across in my work with BC Ambulance in rural areas were illiterate or had only very basic literacy skills. If a child born into this community were to go to school, it was often with sporadic attendance. Many of the children had major developmental, emotional, social, or learning difficulties and there were few specialized resources to deal with them. Many families were broken or destablized with little enforcement of school attendance, homework completion, or modelling of literacy skills at home. It was as though I could map out a child's entire future as I stood in her livingroom, mopping up a bleeding nose or soothing a croupy cough. Or, alternately, caring for an adult in the house with bleeding kidneys, accidental stabbing with a water glass that tore open the skin down to point where I could see muscles working every time an arm moved, Delerious Tremins, or broken bones, while little ones watched. Those kids had nothing to look forward to but more of the same; sporadic education, emotional and family chaos, early drop out, high teen pregnancy rates, abuse of all kinds, alcohol, drugs, babies, poverty, illness, tragedy, high suicide rate, and low life expectancy. If that child got up in the morning, ate breakfast, and got to the bus stop on time, she would be delivered one of two local schools. Both schools struggle with staffing. Bullying runs rampant. One of my coworkers' children was sexually abused in the school bathroom by another student. Fetal alcohol syndrome is high and special education resources non existent.

I know that this is not unique to Canadian remote communities. Inner city schools in the U.S. are frequently lacking in funding, staff, and specialized support to the point where children slip through the cracks or graduate illiterate every year. I imagine there are similar social and financial problems in first world countries all over the world, since (in my opinion) poverty has very little to do with a lack of money.

Suffice it to say, I believe children have a right to education. There are many wonderful ways to deliver this education, and several poor ones. Homeschool, unschool, private school, and public school are good, strong options in many cases.
Both Brent and myself went to public school as children, and went to a private, religious university as young adults. My brother was homeschooled for one year of his educational career, by my dad, who was a grade six teacher. I should ask him what he thought of that experience, and whether he thought it was better or worse than public school. Maybe I will over Christmas when I see him, and I will report back what he has to say! He had a number of challenges in school, and I know that the educational system itself in the early years was very supportive of him, and in many ways failed him when he was older. At least, that is my opinion on that topic. A completely alternative school that was based in the outdoors and emphasized self sufficiency and attentiveness to detail, or apprenticeship for a skilled trade would have been better suited for him (he did do one year in grade eleven in a program much like this, through our city's public school system and did very well. It was likely the only year of school that he enjoyed). Hopefully he doesn't mind me sharing this part of his history here on ye olde blog. I'd like to add that he is a very successful entrepreneur at present, and a loving dad to my niece.

my bro, with Amarys in April

I have mixed reviews of my own educational experience, but believe that overall I was one of those kids who are very internally motivated to learn and would have done well in any educational system. Brent as well. I like the idea of attending public school in the early years and developing an inclusive, balanced world view, and then attending private religious university during young adulthood when most people are forming the basis of their spiritual beliefs as separate from their family of origin. But I believe kids have the right to input in their educational direction and style, and would never push a kid to attend this or that type of school. I want them to attend school, but where that is or what it looks like is a collaborative thing. We discussed at length the idea of a multi aged class with Ayden before he entered it, and have discussed this style with Matthew as he entered it also. Both kids were involved in this decision, although at this age we had the final say. This is given that we know a bit more about the world in general, and our kids' personal characteristics~not that either kid disagreed with us thus far.
I will say that I think we should have held Matthew in preschool for another year when he was five, because he matures more slowly than his peers of the same age.

Another fundamentally important value for me is family togetherness, which is harder to create when your kids 'go' to school, as opposed to home or unschooling. Given this value, we would never send our kids away to go to school until they leave home. Boarding school is not an option we would entertain. If we lived somewhere (like the town I started out my career in and described earlier in this post) with limited or no access to high quality school education, we would homeschool. Since we live close to a number of quality public schools with specialized support systems for kids with learning challenges or unique qualities (like our Matthew)~admittedly not perfect by any means, but at this point better than I could provide at home, we are happy with our choice to send our kids to public school. Particularly given the wonderful teachers and unique Montessori style class our older kids are in.

So if I'm willing to homeschool in some situations, why not homeschool now? Hm. Good question. Brent does not think homeschooling is right for our family at this time; if I felt strongly otherwise we would discuss it and come to a consensus, but I don't. Partly because public school is familiar to me and is working for us as far as establishing literacy and mathematics skills, and so much more. And partly because I was not born to be a teacher. Parenting involves a ton of teaching, but there is something distinct about teaching from parenting that is not my especial strength. I'm willing if necessary, but do not feel compelled to choose to homeschool, and don't even really think I'm the best person for the job. Particularly with a differently-wired kid like Matthew. I'm not sure my life, my parenting, and my mental stability would be what I want it to be if I homeschooled at this point. I love my kids, and I believe that if one of them came and asked me to homeschool them, I would consider it seriously, and that there would be benefits for all of us if I did. But I also think that parenting is a knock em down, drag em out, woah nelly difficult job. If there is an aspect of parenting I can outsource to an expert and still maintain that fundamental value of family togetherness, I'm getting on that gravy train. We all have bottom lines, beyond which we are not entirely sure we could maintain a sense of healthy self, and this is mine. It sounds selfish, but I contest that this would only be true if my kids lacked access to education, or if their fundamental learning style was so incompatible with traditional school as to be fairly unhealthy, like in my brother's case in high school. I'm willing to give up my life for my kids, but not my self. This is because (a) a healthy mom is a better mom, and (b) it's my life, too. And a short one, at that. And I want more out of it than a world mainly built around educating my children.

This is NOT to say that moms who homeschool have no life. Or sacrifice their fundamental selves to do it. Not at all. This is more an evaluation of myself and my characteristics, my introvertedness, and my intellectual and self actualization needs, than an evaluation of homeschooling parents in general.
It does take a village to raise a child~not as a democratic left wing political statement, but because humans were made to function in community. If that community is healthy and safe and offers access to public education, I am very happy sending my kids to public school. For now. And because they are happy there, and want to be there. I did not go to school for five years specifically to learn how to educate young children. Nor did I go to school for a period of time on top of that to learn specialized skills in educating kids with learning needs that are different from the norm, which my precious and intelligent second child needs. This was on purpose, because for my career I didn't want to be a teacher.

I haven't addressed the private school idea yet, but this post is getting long. I can see why Melissa divided up her post into three parts! Suffice it to say that we cannot afford it, and if we could we would choose Montessori school and not religious private school. We are very religious but within that umbrella, fairly liberal. There are a few values which we hold that we believe are better taught by immersion in a diverse community rather than a homogenous one, and would choose private school if, say, we won the lottery or something, based on educational ideology and not religious ideology.

I would love to hear other peoples' (respectful) thoughts on this topic, because the whole concept of education is a fluid and developing one, and one that many people have intelligent opinions about. Chime in!

Natural Parents' Blogger Blitz

2011-12-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

I am proud and honored to be volunteer with the Natural Parents Network (NPN), a community of natural-minded parents and parents-to-be where you will be informed, empowered, and inspired. When you visit the NPN’s website you can find articles and posts about Activism, Balance, Consistent Care, Ecological Responsibility, Family Safety, Feeding With Love, Gentle Discipline, Healthy Living, Holistic Health, Natural Learning, Nurturing Touch, Parenting Philosophies, Practical Home Help, Preparing for Parenting, Responding With Sensitivity, Safe Sleep, and so much more!The volunteers who dedicate their time and energy to make NPN the outstanding resource it is also spend countless hours informing and inspiring others on their personal blogs. To close out 2011, the NPN volunteers have come together to provide you with some valuable reading material. Each volunteer has selected either their most viewed post of 2011 or their favorite post and shared the link here. Please take a few moments to visit each post. Our intention is to expand our reach as bloggers and informed parents and parents-to-be who are still growing as we move through our own journeys. Each volunteer has provided links to other social media sites where you can follow them as well.We hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as we enjoyed writing them. We are always looking for new volunteers so please, contact us if you are interested. Just a few hours per month can help other mamas in a huge way!

Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares her Christmas Cookie Swap Blog Hop, which is her fourth annual virtual cookie swap and most popular post of the year. Please stop by and link up your favorite holiday recipe until Dec. 31. You can find Farmer's Daughter on Facebook and Twitter.
Adrienne from Mommying My Way shares Fear vs. Faith, one of her favorite posts about how often living a life of faith can look like a life of fear, but the two are really quite different. You can also find Mommying My Way on Facebook.
Alicia of Lactation Narration retells the story of her oldest daughter's 5 years of nursing and weaning in her favorite post of 2011, The Weaning Party. You can find Lactation Narration on Facebook and Twitter.
Amy of Toddler In Tow shares Finding My Mommy-Zen, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, she shares her desire to balance her own self-esteem by choice in order to parent with peace and compassion. You can also find Toddler In Tow on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, and follow Amyables (Amy W.) on Google + and Ravelry.
Arpita of Up, Down, and Natural shares one of her most popular posts titled Reflections. This is a beautiful look at the type of mother she wants to be. You can find Up, Down, and Natural on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares Why Do Children Have More Food Allergies Than Ever Before?, her most viewed post of 2011. This post explains the shocking info that one unsuspecting mother discovered when she started researching why her daughter had a violent allergic reaction to eggs. This is a must read post for ensuring the health of your family. You can also find I Thought I Knew Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Stumbleupon.
Christine of African Babies Don’t Cry shares The Best First Food for Babies, one of her favourite posts of 2011. This well-researched post delves into the healthiest and most nutritious food to feed your baby. You can also find African Babies Don’t Cry on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest.
Cynthia of The Hippie Housewife shares Gentle Discipline for Toddlers, her most viewed post of 2011. This post describes five gentle discipline tools for parenting toddlers. You can also find The Hippie Housewife on Facebook, Google +, and Pinterest.
Darcel of The Mahogany Way shares how Babywearing As a Way of Life one of her favorite post of 2011. This post showcases some beautiful woven wraps that she has purchased, traded, borrowed, and sold over the years. Darcel also talks about the benefits of babywearing from the newborn through toddler stage. You can also find Darcel{ The Mahogany Way} on Facebook, Twitter, Her Community for Mothers of Color, and Pinterest.
Dionna of Code Name Mama shares 50 Healthy Snack Ideas for Kids Plus Fun Serving Suggestions, her most viewed post of 2011. Most of these snacks are quick to fix and portable, so you can pack them to send with your child on play dates, at preschool, or to just have handy in the refrigerator for when your child wants to grab a bite to eat “all by himself.” You can find Dionna on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.
Erica at ChildOrganics shares a post that is not only close to her heart, but also her most viewed post for 2011 titled Attachment Parenting in the NICU. This post shares her top 10 tips for parenting should you find yourself with a baby in the NICU. You can also find Erica on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Gretchen of That Mama Gretchen shares her personal experience of returning to work, expressing milk, and the ups and downs in between in her 2011 most viewed post, Mama's Milk. You can also find Gretchen on GFC, Blog Lovin', Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Isil of Smiling like Sunshine shares how to make an autumn tree using pumpkin seeds, her most popular post in 2011. This post features a lovely craft activity that you can do with your kids! You can also find Isil on Facebook and Twitter.
Jennifer of Hybrid Rasta Mama shares 80 Uses For Coconut Oil, her most viewed post of 2011. This comprehensive post provides background information on the benefits of coconut oil as well as outlines 80 uses for it. You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and Pinterest.
Jennifer of True Confessions of a Real Mommy shares her most popular post of 2011, Weekly House Blessing (Otherwise Known as Cleaning Once a Week). This post outlines a once per week cleaning routine for busy moms. You can also find Jennifer on Twitter.
Joella, the mama behind Fine and Fair, shares An Unusual Gripe with Bebe Gluton, one of her most popular posts of 2011. In it, she discusses the controversy surrounding a "breastfeeding doll" and offers her take on the gender role implications of dolls in general. Fine and Fair can also be found on twitter and facebook.
Julia of A Little Bit of All of It shares the story of how her co-sleeping relationship ended with her daughter, her most viewed post of 2011. This post shows how her daughter transitioned to her own bed on her 2nd birthday and the emotions involved for her mom. You can also find A Little Bit of All of It on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and Pinterest.
Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares True Blessings: White Noise and Grandparents, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, Kat talks about how she maximizes getting sleep and how grateful and blessed she is to have her parents be so involved in helping and spending time with her kiddos.
Kelly of Becoming Crunchy shares That Cup Does What?, her most viewed post of 2011. This post is one of a series of reviews and information on switching to all natural menstrual products - having heard so many different options and recommendations, Kelly decided to give a whole bunch of them a try and pull all the reviews together in one week for anyone interested in making the switch. This post in particular covers the ins and outs of the Diva Cup. You can also find Becoming Crunchy on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest.
Kristin of Intrepid Murmurings shares a popular post from 2011, something she and her husband made for their girls for Christmas, great for open-ended play and construction: Handmade Tree Blocks. You can also find Kristin on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.
Lani of Boobie Time shares Helping a Fellow Breastfeeding Mom, her inspiration for starting to blog. This post discusses the importance of fellow moms supporting each other and some tips on having a successful breastfeeding relationship. Lani can also be found on Facebook.
Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door writes about finally entering "spring" when her child with special needs begins preschool. After battling post-partum mental illness (post tramatic stress disorder) after the preterm birth of her third child, she finally begins to feel healthy and whole again in "It's Fall, Ya'll-Again."
Lauren of Hobo Mama shares On not having an AP poster child, her (OK, second) most viewed post of 2011. Lauren's first child shook her certainty that attachment parenting meant babies never cried and toddlers grew independent — and that's all right, too. You can also find Hobo Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.
Luschka of Diary of a First Child shares Lactivism, Breastfeeding, Bottlefeeding and Mothers at War, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This post discusses how the breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate causes a division between mothers, leading to the alienation of women and babies, while divisive companies prosper. You can also find Diary of a First Child on Facebook, and Twitter.
Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares how With Privilege Comes Responsibility, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This compelling post explains her strong felt desire to stand up for those less privileged. You can also find Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook.
Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings shares a Montessori-Inspired Checklist for Choosing Toys, her most popular post of 2011. The article outlines some important Montessori principles and how they relate to children's toys, translating that into some simple guiding principles. You can also find Melissa on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.
Melissa of White Noise shares Modern Day Wet Nurse, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, Melissa shares the benefits of human breast milk and human milk sharing. You can also find Melissa at Mothers of Change.
Momma Jorje shares Amniocentesis - What is it *really* like?, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This open and honest series offers not only the technical process of amniocentesis, but also the emotions involved in awaiting (and receiving) the procedure and a diagnosis. Momma Jorje can also be found on Facebook.
Moorea of MamaLady: Adventures in Queer Parenting shares Fluoride: Another Reason Breast Is Best, her favorite post of 2011. This post provides research on the harmful effects of fluoride in drinking water for babies and toddlers and ways to limit fluoride consumption in your home. You can also find MamaLady on Facebook and Twitter and her Parent Coaching Site.
Rachael at The Variegated Life is Calling the Muse in her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, she describes how she uses ritual to help her tap into her creative spirit. You can also find Rachael on Twitter and The Variegated Life on Facebook.
Rebekah and Chris from Liberated Family shares Using Cloth In a Disposable Society, their favorite post of 2011. This extensive post provides a lot of information regarding the varied uses of cloth as well as the many benefits. You can also find Liberated Family on Twitter.
Sarah at Parenting God's Children shares her most viewed post: Confessions of a Breastfeeding Advocate: I Couldn't. She confesses her struggles with breastfeeding her daughters, but shares why she'll continue the good fight. You can also find Sarah on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Seonaid of The Practical Dilettante offers a science- and reverence-based meditation on The Living Earth, her most viewed post of 2011. This meditation was originally written for Earth Day, but it provides a way to reconnect with your place in the living breathing planet at any time of year. You can also find Seonaid on Facebook, Twitter, and Google +.
Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes shares I Recommend (But Moira Likes This Book Too), her most viewed post of 2011. This post is a review of a wonderful book that talks about all the different ways that families can be made up, along with some of why this topic is so important to her family.
Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares her experiences with tandem nursing in Tandem Nursing – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, her most viewed post of 2011. You can also find Sheryl on Twitter.

Stay tuned for some amazing posts from all of these tremendous bloggers in 2012!

Advent: Peace

2011-12-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

Saskatchewan sunset

For an anxioid, peace can be hard to come by. My brain is hardwired to think everything, every day, is an emergency, and my nine years as a paramedic and some early life experiences reenforced this messed up brain's approach to the world. I was born with no filter in my mind to allow me to tune out all of our naked, wide open vulnerability to pain and suffering. And then I walked out into a job world of suicide, house fires, and drowned babies; where death was normal, and heart attacks were every day. Some nights I still wrestle to fall asleep, even after years of treatment and balance. Peace is tough. Every bit of it is hard won.

I think this is true for the human race, entirely. None of us gets out alive, none lives unscathed, no one arrives at the end intact. War, poverty, racism... A lack of water, for God's sake; how much more basic can our human depravity get?! When we find pockets of peace, they are beautiful. A few years to create art, build civil societies, and have babies are miraculous. They are hard won and lavish gifts. Thanks to the law of entropy, they are brief.

For me, peace comes with feeling grounded and still, despite my lack of a filter, despite having no guard in front of my heart and mind, despite the howling possibilities of tragedy. Life doesn't stop screaming around me; I simply feel my feet on the ground in the midst of it all. Jesus grounds me. He roots me to the ground through my children, my husband, beauty, art, music, and laughter. He roots me to the ground by walking with me.

Because of the tender mercy of our God,
With which the Sunrise from on high shall visit us,
To shine upon those who sit in darkness
and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace

I don't need rescuing from the storm. I just need to know and be known.

Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I fear no evil;
Thou art with me

...my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

One more for old times sake...

2011-12-18T15:31:00.003-08:00

Newbie Amarys sleeping in my arms

More fun pix

2011-12-18T15:20:00.000-08:00

Here's Amarys waving, and Matthew being cute

Double dose of Vose

Who doesn't love to watch cartoons in a basket?

Funny Story II

2011-12-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

I took Amarys to the doctor when she had bronchiolitis, and forgot to share this funny thing my doctor said. First, she said Amarys sure is a calm and peaceful baby. She really just goes with the flow, doesn't she?

I don't argue with people about this anymore. Why bother? I grinned and shrugged my shoulders.

You're a pretty relaxed person, though. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

If I didn't have my polite face on, I would have snorted boogers onto the wall across the room. Hello, My Name Is: I have an anxiety disorder. And this is my daughter, I am a pessimist. Pleased to meet you! Wow was that awesome. It made my day.

Baby in a Basket

2011-12-17T21:59:00.000-08:00

Update on Amarys

2011-12-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

I forgot to include a few things in Amarys' 9 Months Old post! She's growing so fast and furious that I want to make sure I get everything down.
She learned just before the 9 month mark how to clap two toys together to make noise. She doesn't clap her hands yet, but she will clap toys! Especially if you demonstrate it for her. She also picks up toys and shakes them to see if they make noise~if a toy doesn't make noise it is infinitely boring and she will drop it unless it seems like an intruiging thing to put in her mouth.
She also climbs stairs (and hearths, which I posted about earlier last week), and has pulled a stocking holder down onto her head by pulling on the stocking attached to it. We put the stockings away for now and will put them up on Christmas Eve, once she is ready for bed! She was also climbing from the hearth to the toy box, so I moved the toy box because it is just too high and in close proximity to the stone fireplace for my comfort. But her latest trick is to climb onto the hearth and then INTO the toy basket I keep there. And then look triumphant, like she just conquered Everest.
While she falls sometimes, it is generally because she is tired, and not because she crawled off something. She seems to have a good sense of where the edge is and not to get too close to it (unlike our boys at this age). She has also learned through trial and error a unique way to climb down from the hearth (she was NOT keen on being taught to roll onto her tummy and then climb down). She sits on her bum and slides close to the edge until one foot hits the floor, and launches forward. It works!

She reaches out when she wants to be picked up, and has just discovered that she loves her daddy. She always put up with him but preferred me, and now she loves him especially. It is neat to see her face light up when he comes in the room, and to see her reach up for him and engage him in play. Very special! She will also follow the kids' voices to wherever they happen to be, and they generally know she's coming because she is a noisy crawler; thumpTHUMPthumpTHUMPthumpTHUMP! And they make a mad dash to hide whatever is most precious to them because she will wreck it all. And scream with laughter. If you are reading a book, she acts like a cat and crawls onto your book and moves in circles on it, and eventually sits down and looks at you like, Aren't I so much more interesting than this piece of paper? Don't you want to pat me on the head?

Recently however she has discovered that she loves books; in particular her favourite is the Usborne book "That's Not My Monster"~she loves the touchy feely parts of the book, and that she can turn the board book pages on her own. Her favourite monsters are the hairy eyebrowed one, the red one with green bumpy paws, and the final monster with green, fluffy ears. She will 'read' that book on her own for up to ten minutes.

The other night we took her to a work Christmas party and she looked so pretty, all dressed up in her white dress and blue tights, with a pink bow in her hair! She lasted until eleven p.m. Woot! But we paid for it the next day because she was CRANKY. [You might say, DUH, but our other kids weren't like that; Ayden and Riley would sleep in the next day and be just as happy go lucky, and Matthew would fall asleep at 7:30 on the dot regardless of where we were, pretty much. He would definitely NEVER last until eleven at night]

She's a funny kid. And oh my GOSH how I love her. Crazy love.

Spaghetti girl

Crazy hair baby

Daddy's biggest fan

**p.s. After I published this I wanted to add two other new tricks: she waves hello and goodbye when she's in the mood, and she JUST started saying "Uh-oh!" when she drops something. It sounds more like "Uh-uh" but it has the right intonation and she says it in context. So cute!**

Quote of the Day

2011-12-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Zwitterions and mindful parenting have a lot in common. A zwitterion is an ion carrying a positive and negative charge. Parents will have positive days filled with powerful, focused, harmonious energy. Parents will also have negative days where the vibes are off center, nothing seems to align, and at the end of the day you feel like you just make a train wreck of your relationships with your children. Both are ok. The positives balance out the negatives so long as the positives are more frequent and more intense than the negatives. Remember – life and being human happen even to the most mindful of parent.

-Hybrid Rasta Mama

CoSleeping ROCKS

2011-12-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival hosted by Monkey Butt Junction . Our bloggers have written on so many different aspects of cosleeping. Please read tothe end to find a list of links to the other carnivalparticipants.
***
The first time I saw cosleeping in action was in India. Every afternoon the family that cooked and cleaned and looked after our hostel would snuggle in together for a nap on the open air porch at the front of the house. Mom, baby, gramma, auntie, toddler, and preschooler in a jumbled pile of saris, long dark hair, and peaceful baby faces. It was beautiful.

We have an open door policy in our house; if our kids need us at night, they can come get us, or they can call out and we will go to them. The vast majority of the time, if they have nightmares or are thirsty or whatnot, our kids come into our room and snuggle into our bed. I'm an introvert. I like my space. I don't enjoy being the peanut butter in a babytoddler sandwich. But it is also extremely important to me that my kids not feel alone or frightened at night. Now, I could get my bum out of bed and comfort my kids in their own rooms and then return to my bedroom and settle back in alone and unencumbered, but I'm thinking that's a little ambitious. I have four kids. I need shortcuts. Besides, they grow up so fast: how can I miss even a nanosecond of breathing in baby smell or cuddling with my toddler as he wedges himself as close to me as humanly possible, poking the back of my knees with his too long toenails and whispering, "Move over, mommy" in his grouchiest midnight voice? It's just too cute.

Brent and I met ten years ago. He's my balance, my stable force, and the best man on the planet. Period. Everything we do is a part of this amazing, multi layered, gorgeous love story, shot through with red and blue and folded in on itself like ribbon candy. Every baby we have is a delicious retelling of our story and filled up with so much life it's blinding. Nothing makes me happier than sleeping curled up with my hubs and a handful of our kids, wrapped up in each other like puppies, feeling love in an enormous fullness. This is all I want, in life. All I've ever wanted.
It's not perfect. There are toenails in my knees at night, baby farts in my face, I have a mental illness, a dog who needs a new home, and a secret desire to slide a knitting needle in my own eye every time my three year old refuses to get dressed yet again with a flailing and grating "NOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOo! I hAAAaaaAAAaaate getting drEeeeeEEEEeeeeEeessed!!!!" We get stressed out about money. My hubs is a nag about towels, water usage, and toilet flushing. He also sorts his all black, identical socks according to how faded they are. How am I still alive, after ten years of this?!! Seriously. But it is all so reminiscent of that family on the porch in India; we work, we clean, we feed people, and in the midst of it all the best part of our day is spent curled up together, sleeping. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

*******

Thanks for reading a post in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival. On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the #CosleepCar hashtag.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

***

Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign - Miriam at Diary of an Unconscious Mother talks about her feelings on Milwaukee’s anti-cosleeping crusade and its latest advertising campaign.
Why Cosleeping has Always been the Right Choice for My Family - Patti at Jazzy Mama shares how lucky she feels to have the privilege of sleeping with her four children.
Cosleeping is a safe, natural and healthy solution parents need to feel good about. - See how Tilly at Silly Blatherings set up a side-car crib configuration to meet her and her families' needs.
Black and White: Race and the Cosleeping Wars - Moorea at Mama Lady: Adventures in Queer Parenting points out the problem of race, class and health when addressing co-sleeping deaths and calls to action better sleep education and breastfeeding support in underprivileged communities.
Reflections on Cosleeping - Jenny at I’m a Full Time Mummy shares her thoughts on cosleeping and pictures of her cosleeping beauties.
Cosleeping and Transitioning to Own Bed - Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine shares her experiences in moving beyond the family bed.
What Works for One Family - Momma Jorje shares why cosleeping is for her and why she feels it is the natural way to go. She also discusses the actual dangers and explores why it may not be for everyone.
Really High Beds, Co-Sleeping Safely, and the Humanity Family Sleeper - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama gives a quick view of Jennifer’s bed-sharing journey and highlights the Humanity Family Sleeper, something Jennifer could not imagine bed-sharing without.
Crying in Our Family Bed - With such a sweet newborn, why has adding Ailia to the family bed made Dionna at Code Name: Mama cry?
Dear Mama: - Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares a letter from the viewpoint of her youngest son about cosleeping.
Cuddle up, Buttercup! - Nada of The MiniMOMist and her husband Michael have enjoyed cosleeping with their daughter Naomi almost since birth. Nada shares why the phrase "Cuddle up, Buttercup!" has such special significance to her.
Co-Sleeping With A Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler - Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how co-sleeping calls us to trust our inner maternal wisdom and embrace the safety and comfort of the family bed.
Fear instead of Facts: An Opportunity Squandered in Milwaukee - Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction discusses Milwaukee’s missed opportunity to educate on safe cosleeping.
Cosleeping: A Mini-rant and a Lovely Picture - Siobhan at Res Ipsa Loquitor discusses her conversion to cosleeping and rants a little bit about the Milwaukee Health Department anti-cosleeping campaign.
Our Cosleeping Story - Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares her cosleeping story and the many bonus side effects of bedsharing.
Cosleeping can be safe and rewarding Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares how her cosleeping experiences have been good for her family.
Adding one more to the family bed Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses the safety logistics of bed sharing with a new baby and a preschooler.
The Truth About Bedsharing - Dr. Sarah at Parenting Myths and Facts discusses the research into bedsharing and risk - and explains why it is so often misrepresented.
Cosleeping as a parenting survival tool - Melissa V. at Mothers of Change describes how she discovered cosleeping when her first baby was born. Melissa is the editor and a board member for the Canadian birth advocacy group, Mothers of Change.
Dear Delilah - Joella at Fine and Fair writes about her family bed and the process of finding the cosleeping arrangements that work best for her family.
CoSleeping ROCKS! - Melissa at White Noise talks about the evolution of cosleeping in her family.
Safe Sleep is a Choice - Tamara at Pea Wee Baby talks about safe sleep guidelines.
3 Babies Later: The Evolution of our Family Bed - Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment talks about how her family’s cosleeping arrangements evolved as her family grew.
Tender Moments - The Accidental Natural Mama discusses tender cosleeping moments.
Cosleeping Experiences - Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure describes how she ended up co-sleeping with her daughter through necessity, despite having no knowledge of the risks involved and how to minimise them, and wishes more information were made available to help parents co-sleep safely.
The early days of bedsharing - Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her early memories of bedsharing with her then new born and gets excited as she plans including their new arrival into their sleeping arrangements.
The Joys of Cosleeping in Pictures - Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares pictures of some of her favorite cosleeping moments.
Symbiotic Sleep - Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children discusses how the symbiotic cosleeping relationship benefits not only children but also parents.
Co-sleeping Barriers: What’s Stopping You? - Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares how she was almost prevented from gaining the benefits of co-sleeping her family currently enjoys.
Co-Sleeping with the Family Humanity Sleeper - Erica at ChildOrganics shares a way to make co-sleeping safe, comfortable and more convenient. Check out her post featuring the Humanity Organic Family Sleeper.
Why We Cosleep - That Mama Gretchen’s husband chimes in on why cosleeping is a benefit to their family.
Adding to the Family Bed - Darah at A Girl Named Gus writes about her co-sleeping journey and what happens when a second child comes along.

A big thank you to all of the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival participants!

Baby Birch

2011-12-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

My bro and my niece, with Dewey the mule. This is on Chad's farm =)

Funny Story

2011-12-13T12:59:00.000-08:00

My kids are all sick. The night before last I was awake until 5 a.m. going from kid to kid and being kept awake by Ayden coughing in my face every 5 to 10 seconds (eight year old non cobedding rules don't apply when kids are sick). It's pretty bad when your spouse comes home from a night shift and you haven't fallen asleep yet...
And said spouse crawls into bed to catch up on sleep...
And you have to get up in two hours.

Anyways, last night was shaping up to look similar or worse. Incessant coughing. Children up and down. Amarys wanting to nursenursenurse. Ayden coughingcoughingcoughing. Riley restless. But we went to bed at midnight after hours of juggling kids and trying to watch one PVRd CSI. I wasn't optimistic.

Generally Amarys wakes up sometime around 4 o'clock in the morning these days, nurses to sleep in our bed, and wakes us up in the morning by smacking and screeching and hairpulling.
I put Amarys in her bed after she had fallen asleep in my arms on the couch, and we crawled into our bed and drifted off. About 4:30 I woke up in my usual position: curled around the baby. Except she wasn't there. I was mildly worried: did she work her way under my blanket? I pulled it down a bit to uncover her head. But her head wasn't there! I panicked a bit, patting the blankets further down, worried she'd gotten under our blankets and then continued to wiggle down; she sleeps soundly but tends to squirm around a lot. When I didn't find her there I totally freaked that she'd fallen off the bed or got stuck in a mattress crack somewhere and WHERE WAS MY BABY?!?!!!! All this thrashing around looking for the baby woke Brent up and he said,
I think she's still in her bed, isn't she?
Of course she isn't! I woke up and got her not half an hour ago!! I nursed her back to sleep and now she's GONE!
No, I don't think you did.
What does he know? He sleeps through EVERYTHING.
He got out of bed and went to check: Yup, baby sleeping soundly in her own bed.

Oh my goodness.

Riley

2011-12-12T13:07:00.000-08:00

Riley just informed me of some news.

My ears has some boogers in them.

How did they get in your ears?

Them jumped in there, from mine nose.

Wonderful Advent Sunday

2011-12-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

We took advantage of last Sunday's sunny weather to get all Christmassy! I've been meaning to post each Sunday of Advent on an Advent theme but this family day got in the way last week... I'm pretty sure it was an excellent excuse!

This year has seemed the proper amount of speedy~not too quick, not too slow. The kids are amazing as far as joy and wonder because they are the exact right ages to fully enjoy and understand the many levels of Christmas, engage with its spiritual meanings, and throw themselves into the spirit enthusiastically. It wasn't deep or literary, but I think for an Advent Sunday post (one day late) it pretty much captivates this week's Advent theme of Joy. I'm so lucky. My cup is full. My arms are full. My van is full. And my heart is grateful~more than anything in life I have wanted a close knit family with lots of kids and a caring partner in crime, and love in abundance. Sometimes it's hard, which just makes me appreciate what I have so much more, especially on days like this one.

The obligatory fence picture

Riley

Matthew

Ayden

Amarys and I


This tree was too big for our living room but we thought it was pretty hilarious and dubbed it the Dr Seuss tree. I think it looks a bit holy; worshipping in true charismatic tradition =)

This was our tree in the end~Amarys fell asleep in the sling so she was underenthusiastic about it, but it was definitely the perfect tree for us

I laughed SO HARD at this outtake~Brent got speared

First candy cane

We took the tree home, made apple cider from scratch, and cooked up some gingerbread to eat while we decorated the tree. I got this awesome idea from Riley's Strong Start teacher to fill the pan with gingerbread cookie dough and stuff it full of candy (we used up the last of the halloween candy for this project~and it was delicious)

Posed SO dorky

Advent week two: Peace~we have a tradition where each Sunday of Advent we help one of the kids light the candles, and leave them on all evening. I LOVE this tradition and the kids do, too

We're in the market for a new tree topper but in the meantime...


Another Vose family tradition; daddy makes one lucky kid fly to the top of the tree to place our wonky star

One of Those Days

2011-12-11T00:07:00.001-08:00

I just need to vent. A tiny bit.

Our van heater is broken. Not only is it effing cold when your van has no heater, the windows don't defog properly. We live in a rainforest zone so it is always wet and foggy everywhere around here; including the interior of my van. ZOMG.
Silver lining? My new, bought on sale half price for $99 with money I saved from couponing Sorel boots have come in reeeeeaaaaally handy and keep my toes toasty warm even with a broken van heater.
Brent and his dad managed to jimmy the vent flap open so now it works *most* of the time, if you have it going full blast as hot as it goes. Would you like to sweat, or freeze? Your choice.

So. Friday. Driving around freezing and sweating my ass off intermittently in my van, dropping off two grouchy boys at school, ten minutes late, because everyone needed tograbjustonemorethinggotothebathroomfindabagtoputmyshowandtellin.... Aaaaand, we're late. Riley whined all day about not going to Strong Start, but we don't generally go on Fridays and we had been three times that week already. He also refused to eat lunch. And then was grouchy. Brent worked ten to ten. Amarys was cranky and tired, and got woken up repeatedly during her naptime by her cantakorous brother until eventually I gave up. And then she was cranky and tired some more (translation: she screeches and claws at me for hours on end for the effingloveofPOO!)
Ayden was grouchy when I picked the kids up from school because he very much wanted a snack that had nothing to do with his leftover lunch (we have a rule whereby the kids have to finish their lunch before they can have other snack items; otherwise the lunches come home largely untouched and the kids fill up on popcorn and cookies), and he was so grumpy from having not eaten his lunch that he couldn't do anything but stomp around and yell at us all.
Ayden has this thing about food. He acutally has lots of things about food, including but not limited to the following:
Cheese and yogurt are unacceptable if in lunch box for more than twenty minutes
Meat is inedible if it is room temperature
crackers are boring
apples are too hard
pears are too hard
bananas get brown spots if put in lunch box and lunch box is moved one inch or more
oranges make hands too smelly
jam makes bread too soggy
fruit leather is boring
muffins get too crumbly in snack taxi (reusable ziploc baggie replacements we use; very awesome product)
cookies are fine but only store bought and mommy never buys any of those
soup is gross if in thermos
pasta is gross if in thermos
lasagna is gross if in thermos

and Oh My Gosh is anyone else out there ready to punch my kid in the face? Because I am. Every day, he brings home an uneaten lunch and he's a grouch. My mother had me make my own lunch from the first day of grade one, and I was often hungry, especially in high school, so I always swore I would make my own kids' lunches to ensure they had something to eat all the time. Well that idealistic, pastoral plan is crumbling and now I'm pretty sure if we hand this job over to Ayden he just won't eat. Although at least that way we won't waste any food and we'd be pretty much where we are now, as far as Ayden eating ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. When he complains about the contents of his lunch I usually say,
Ayden, you like NOTHING.
And he says, I know. Kind of apologetically. Like, I know I'm a pain in the ass would you forgive me please? But I'm not going to change.

So anyways he came home grouchy and finally I tossed him a granola bar and was like EAT THIS ALREADY and GET OVER YOURSELF. So he did.
Meanwhile Matthew's friend's mom texts me that my kid is bullying her kid at school. Stealing his lunch. Pulling down his pants. Etcetera. Awesome. And where is Brent? WORKING. This shit always happens when he's working. And where is Amarys? Pulling my hair and scratching my face to protest my holding her, and wailing when I put her down. Win-win.
And where is Riley?
MOMMY. MOMMY. NO, MOMMY, LOOK AT ME WITH YOUR EYES, MOMMY. MOMMY! And he wants to beg me to take him to Strong Start. Four hours after it closed.
Matthew needs to read to me and Ayden needs to practice his violin and both younger kids need my attention and I need to plan and execute dinner.
Oh yes, and the older two need to be at church in exactly half an hour for a dress rehearsal for the Christmas concert. I drive them there at the right time, and Riley cries all the way there and all the way back because he misses his 'brudders' and doesn't want them to come home from school just to turn around and leave again. I dash home to make dinner; Amarys sits in the sink for much of it because it keeps her happy but she keeps standing up so I can't really leave the immediate proximity of the sink. She claws me and screams if I wear her in the Ergo (unless we're on a long walk or something) so eventually I just put her on the floor with cheerios and subsequently walk around crunching and popping cheerios with my feet for the next ninety minutes.
I carefully time dinner so it's in the oven and cooking while I grab the younger two to pick up the older two, and as I pick Amarys up I realize she's got the biggest poonami known to man coming up one side of her and down the other. [This kid is a stealth pooper, man. It's like she's the CIA and her poop is a top secret operation or something. I gave up on elimination communication because (a) it's just too hard, and (b) stealth pooper.] So not only do I have to change her diaper, I have to rinse her off under a tap. Meanwhile Riley's grabbing the butt of his pants in a tight little knot and jumping up and down, yelling,
ME HAFS TO GO POOP! ME HAFS TO GO POOP! NO I NEED YOU TO HELP ME! ME HAFS TO GO POOP! Are you effing KIDDING ME?!
SO, although we've been working on toileting independence because he's been toilet learned for over a year but he wants emotional support every freaking time he goes to the bathroom, this is an emergency situation and I pull his pants down and send him in the direction of the toilet while I clean up Amarys on the floor. A few minutes later I look up, and Riley has had some sort of explosive mishap and there is poop on the toilet seat, on his leg, on the wall, and on the toilet paper holder... I go over and start helping him clean up AND stay cheerful and calm (Super. Woman. Cape. Now.), and when I turn around Amarys is into the garbage. Now, we use cloth diapers but I haven't got the time of day for cloth wipes so the garbage is perpetually filled with poopy wipes so this is a disgusting situation. I grab her away, kicking and screaming, and redress Riley only to have him yelp
ME HAFS TO GO POOP AGAIN, I WASN'T DONE, NO I NEED YOU TO HELP ME, UH, UH, UH, OHHHHH! and you bet your ass I whipped those pants off again faster than lighting aaaaaaaaaand got poop on my hand in the process. New underwear. New pants. Wash, wash, wash. Get in the van. OMG, we are fifteen minutes late already and it takes us ten to drive to church!

And all I could think was: I'm far too intelligent for this shit.

Want Free Stuff?

2011-12-10T23:51:00.001-08:00

I just posted my very first product review and giveaway on Mothers of Change!!! Check it out! This took me hours of emails, research, time, and formatting and reformatting but it's finally DONE! Want to enter to win our amazing prize? Click away!!! The prize is a really good one, I promise!

Daily Dose of Hilarious

2011-12-10T21:25:00.001-08:00

You want a laugh? Go read my friend Caryn's Chubby Runners post... OMG, OXYGEN! I NEED OXYGEN!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...

Field Trip: Langley Gymnastics

2011-12-09T10:30:00.001-08:00

Strong Start has periodic field trips, which I don't generally opt into. My life has enough crazy; I don't need toddler and baby field trips!! But this week there was one to the gymnastics club, and I thought it was pretty cool. Here are some photogs! Both Amarys and Riley LOVED it!!

Amarys specializes in climbing, as you know

She looooved the foam block pit

Riley rocks the rings

The National

2011-12-09T10:21:00.001-08:00

Last week we went to Vancouver to watch The National~Brent won free tickets from The Peak radio station a few months ago. We were in the best seats in the house; about eighth row from the front, so we didn't have to smush in with the storm the stagers, but we were close enough to see every nuance. Every blink. And to become deafened by the music. Near the end, the lead singer came out into the crowd and climbed up on the row of seats in front of us and across. Our whole row helped him walk by holding up our hands for him to grab onto; it was pretty cool! =)
It was fun! And FREE! Except for parking!

2011-12-07T21:11:00.001-08:00

Just

when the

caterpillar

thought the

world was

over, it

became a

butterfly...

BUSTED x 2

2011-12-07T20:54:00.001-08:00

I have been giving the kids a small gift in a reusable box each day of the Christian advent calendar, with a note or Bible verse in the interests of teaching them about advent, Christmas, and the concept of anticipation (on a deeper level than anticipation for toys under the tree...)
The other day I wrapped up some little candies and put a note in Riley and Matthew's gifts about peace on earth. In Ayden's I put a verse from Luke about light and darkness, and redemption. I put at the end of the verse, "this verse is about Jesus." In my defense, it was a rather long quote, and a compilation of several verses along the same theme from the same poem. Ayden read the verse and said,
"Isn't this verse about John?"
I double checked. It's totally about John. I laughed so hard! Here I am making advent calendars to teach my kids our religion's history and I'm totally screwing it up. Not only that, but my kid is correcting me! Busted. Better edit my post it notes a little more closely if I want to maintain the facade that I know a thing or two, around here...

A few days later I was standing in the livingroom digging through the basket of clean laundry, looking for my favourite bra. Naturally, since I was in that state of undress, I was topless. Brent made an appreciative comment and I jiggled for him and only then did we notice Ayden standing at the top of the stairs with the most utterly disgusted look on his face. Like he might barf. whoops. Wow did we laugh hard. BUSTED AGAIN! I better edit my jiggling a little more closely if I want to maintain a shred of dignity around here...

Almost Famous

2011-12-07T00:49:00.001-08:00

Check us out at Wordless Wednesday!! =) Cute pix all around...

The Climber In Action

2011-12-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

On Not Always Doing So Well

2011-12-02T23:23:00.001-08:00

Thank you, for those who commented on my post requesting positive boosts, and for those who sent me emails or wrote posts for me, or quietly sent me positive thoughts. I've had a very hard week, not for any particular reason, per se, although the financial squeeze has been squeezing my brain and my heart until they cannot squeeze anymore. I think it's just that where I'm at is pretty fragile right now. Anxiety has been keeping me awake at night, and unpredictable in the daytime.

Fortunately, Amarys gives freely of open mouthed kisses, Matthew flings his arms around me several times a day and says, "I love you, mommy," Riley has eyelashes and dimples, and Ayden has mastered the fine art of telling a truly funny joke. Like waving his hand around in my general direction and sighing, "Why don't you just go blogging or something," making Brent spit his food back onto his plate for laughing. So all is not lost. And you, lovelies. You encourage me to keep walking. Thank you..

On Allergies and Fly Ladies

2011-12-02T21:24:00.001-08:00

Matthew is our crazy eights kid. If there's a wild variation or possibility, Matthew's got it. Allergies are no exception. Last spring I think I posted that he had an allergic reaction to Sulfa antibiotics he was on for an ear infection. A heavy duty, hives/wheezing/nausea/throat swelling kind of allergic reaction. So we discontinued those, obviously, and figured Sulfa drugs should be easy to avoid.

Then in August he came to me one night crazy wild with itching; he had huge, palm sized hives all over his body!! They were driving him insane! I kind of figured he got them from rolling around in the grass at the park or something; who knows what kind of chemicals they use in the grass to fertilize or keep the moss away or whatnot. I ran him a baking soda bath in a bleary, middle of the night kind of three quarters asleep way, and tucked him back into bed. He felt nauseous. The next morning he said, "Mommy, my tongue feels funny." And I put 1+1+1 together and got =he had an allergic reaction that was big enough to have called an ambulance! And I sent him back to bed!
In my defense, I was very very tired.
Anyways, I took him to the doctor and she referred him to an allergy specialist. Canadian health care wait times being what they are, he got an appointment. In December. This was August. Our doctor said she figured his allergic reaction was to sulfites in the pepperoni I put on Matthew's pizza for dinner that night, because the molecular structure of sulfites is very similar to that of Sulfa drugs, which makes sense. Ever since we have been on Sulfite Alert around here. Let me tell you, food you never knew or guessed has sulfites in it. Raisins. Dried apricots. Almost all dried fruit, in fact. Many fruit juices. Many of those gummy candies passed off as healthy-ish treats for kids' lunches. BREAD. So much bread has sulfites in it, or may contain traces of sulfites. Deli meats. Dry cured meats like pepperoni and salami. Oh my goodness.
And, since I've been doing so much label reading, I'm learning about how many preservatives are in our food, period. HEALTH food, for pete's sake! For years I've been buying this uber healthy bread from McGavin's with organic sprouted grains, wheatless, high fibre stuff that is actually yummy: preservatives! Zomg. You cannot call something made with organic grains and then throw in petrifying chemicals. That's frickin' deceitful, man!
Actually since Matthew came home I've been buying organic raisins to avoid sulfites because I knew they contributed to overall inflammation and Matthew was battling chronic ear infections, chronic lung infections, and environmental allergies to our cat and to dust mites. But it wasn't until he developed an anaphylactic allergy to the sulfites themselves that I started to realize just how many items they are in. We buy healthy. We eat healthy. We don't buy processed crap (except breakfast cereal and maybe you could consider our yogurt processed because it's not plain). We buy very little premade food, because I make a lot from scratch. Our freezer is full of frozen fruit that we picked on a local farm. I can my own jam, tomatoes, and applesauce. We make food from its original forms; fruits and vegetables, milk, cheese (not original original, but a spinoff I guess!), meat, and grains. We don't buy organic because we can't afford it, but we try to buy foods that are as healthy as possible; our butcher shop has all grain and grass fed, antibiotic and hormone free meat, for example, but is not certified organic. But even as healthy as we are, sulfites creep in. And other preservatives. Like little demons slinking into our food when we're not looking. Creeps.

I've been making my own bread, sometimes. I have made homemade focaccia bread twice and been very pleased with the results. And the popularity of my work. =) Baking bread is rather big for me, since I'm more of a chef and less of a baker, generally.

Matthew and Ayden had hot lunch today at school and at bedtime Matthew came up to me covered in hives again. Augh! Fortunately Matthew knows exactly what to watch for and to come to me immediately, and I fill him up with Benadryl and watch him closely to make sure the reaction subsides instead of worsening, which would merit a hospital visit. [Brent is working nights so I'm on my own with four kids; can you imagine? What a gong show that would be: me and a cranky baby and a splotchy, wheezy boy, an overtired three year old and a wide eyed eight year old in emergency at nighttime.] He has had this happen another time in October, too. I never did figure out what caused that one. Luckily his hives started disappearing after two doses of Benadryl so we didn't have to load up for a trek to emergency.

In other news I recently heard some good reviews of FlyLady, an online organizer who helps organize your housework chores to be the most efficient. One of the other parents at the Natural Parents Network that I'm a part of said that she does the FlyLady system and does less housework and has a cleaner house than ever. I figured I would check it out with that review! I am crappy at housekeeping. Not for lack of effort or desire, although I have absolutely no problem ignoring a messy kitchen while relaxing in the evening unlike so many Oh So Holy mothers out there who "just can't relax until it's clean" [whatever, man. That's ridiculous]. I always want to tell those women to *F* OFF or go get laid or something. Mainly because I'm slightly defensive that it doesn't bother me to ignore filth on my table while I watch television. It has also always really bothered me that housework appears not to be an egalitarian pursuit in MOST relationships and pardon me if I don't live in a 1950s sitcom and don't want to be the only one who cleans.
But my system really wasn't all that efficient. I would spend hours running around after my housework while the house just got worse all the time. I liked the sound of a system that would have me work less and at long long last live in peaceful cleanliness (not perfection, but a peaceful level of tidy). I ran full out all the time and just had time for the basics. I also live with the World's Largest Slob so hopes of egalitarian housework pursuits often had me dipping down to his level rather than him reaching up to mine.
I've been following the Baby Steps of the FlyLady system for two weeks now, and holy crap if it doesn't work! I clean less, and live in a tidier house! What the heck?!!! I'm realizing that although I had the passion and the energy for lots of work, I didn't know how to really 'keep house' in any sort of efficient or organized way, so things would pile up until I made a herculean effort to tackle one spot, or one area, and go all out to finish that area and focus on another area only to have the first one go to hellina.
A few neat things I've noticed in particular;
-The #1 FlyLady 'thing' is to have a shiny kitchen sink. Like, sparkling. Like, you tackle it with a butter knife and some baking soda and then some windex and then some olive oil to make it SHINE. Then whenever you use it, you rinse it out and DRY IT WITH A TOWEL. I read that the first time and I thought, you've got to be shitting me, there is no way I'm going to be drying my sink fifty thousand times a day, which is the exact number of times my sink gets used. Well damned if I don't dry that sink numerous times a day because I like the way it looks all shiny with no spots like that. Wow! And a side effect of this is that nobody else wants to mess up my sparkly sink either so the dishes very frequently wind up inside the diswasher where they belong. I know. It's a miracle. Another side effect is that the rest of the kitchen stays clean, too. Mainly because I want that sink clean so I will wipe everything up and put away all the counter items so that I can rinse and dry the sink again.
CRAZY ASSED. But it works; my kitchen is clean.
-Another cool side effect I've noticed is that cleaning is contagious. My husband will start washing things when he sees me washing things. Like today; my FlyLady task was to dust the blinds and light fixtures in the dining room. When I dusted our light fixture I noticed a bunch of dead bugs in it, so I dismantled it and cleaned them out. Brent saw me and suddenly he was taking down all five of the light fixtures in our kitchen and cleaning them out, too! Cool.
-The coolest side effect of all is that my house is ridiculously clean. Well, not entirely, but the kitchen and living room area have been clean for two weeks, and each day they get MORE clean. My bedroom dresser is cleared for the first time since we moved in here last January. Ayden and Amarys' bedroom is clean. The entryway to our house is clean. And areas that collected shit are now clear. Like, different areas at the same time. The window seat in our livingroom holds only the cat bed. Our kitchen Island (always filled with two feet of papers, lego, plates, lost forks, bills, keys, books, and random shit before) holds the fruit bowl and a basket for keys and wallets. The mantle is dusted. The laundry is done. And I'm only in the baby step program! And I SWEAR I clean far less than I used to!
-I can get TONS done in two, five, and fifteen minute incriments. TONS! FlyLady has this system whereby you tackle your 'hot spot' for two minutes per day to keep clutter from accumulating in those spots that attract clutter. She also has 'five minute room rescues' where you do a very basic room tidy for five minutes. And every day you declutter an area for fifteen minutes. ONLY. As in, you set the timer and declutter until the timer goes off and then you STOP! I find myself running to squeeze in as much decluttering as possible before the timer goes off, generally because I like to finish tasks rather than leave them partially done. So if I tackle the dresser I want to get it totally clear in fifteen minutes (but if I don't, I leave it). It's unbelievable what I can get done in just fifteen minutes. And also, how many italics I used in this post. But I'm blown away by my FlyLady system and I think it's just amazing. There are a few things I don't adhere to; for example she says to get dressed first thing in the morning and emphasizes that you must wear your shoes. She has this ideological explanation for how you work harder if you are dressed fully, but Canadians do not wear shoes indoors. It's antithetical to our Canadianness. So I don't wear shoes just because FlyLady thinks I have to. Same with laying out my clothes the night before. I choose clothing partially from availability and partially from emotional impulsiveness. Choosing clothes the night before is going to result in me switching it around anyway based on how I feel the next morning so that's pretty well pointless. But shining my sink and getting fully dressed first thing and following her organized approach to housework totally works for me.

I'm stoked. People could drop by and not necessarily get cereal on their socks. This is big, people. This is big enough to justify so many italics.

9 Months Old

2011-12-01T20:09:00.001-08:00

Lovely little Amarys is nine months old today!

She ALWAYS eats with her left foot propped on the edge of her chair =)

Nicknames;
Spike
Dinosaur
Littlest Baby
Ammy
Ammy-Boo (I hate this one; it is from her brothers)
Miss Amarys
Princess
Screecher
Velocoraptor

Miss Amarys took her first steps on Tuesday, two days before she turned nine months old! I stood her up in the hallway and she took a tentative step forward before she realized she wasn't holding onto me. She stopped, then sat sloooooowly down on her bum and looked up at me like, "Phew. That was weird." She also has developed basic one step problem solving and object permanence; if she wants into the dishwasher soap trap, for example, she will slide the lower tray of the dishwasher away so she can get her hands on the trap. She can stand for up to ten seconds at a time. She crawls faster than Speedy Gonzalas, and can open cupboard doors to empty their contents. Tonight while I was making dinner she got under the sink while I wasn't paying attention and emptied half the garbage can before I noticed. Including the waxed paper from the butcher shop that had had raw pork chops in it ***GROSS***!! She also climbs. I have found her numerous times on the fireplace hearth, just chillin'. And she climbs onto and into everything she can manage to get into and onto. She's tough, too. Half the time when she falls she doesn't slow down at all! She recognizes her name, the word "milk," the sign for milk, and the word "no."
She is very loud. Her voice is just tuned to a loud frequency all. day. long. Good thing we love her so much. She loves music and will dance this cute head bobby thing when she's in the mood... She also makes her own music with her wrist and her voice; I have video of both but blogger won't let me share. Trust me: it's cute.
When she's tired she now makes this "Weebweebweebweebweeb" sound. It can be cute in short doses, or make you want to gouge out your own eyeballs when it drones on and on.
Her spiky hairdo gets lots of comments; if you wet it it still dries straight up in the air, but feels soft to the touch. It's a wee bit electrical sockety, and looks almost like Michael Bolton did in 1987. I keep thinking it will get longer and weigh itself down one of these days but it just gets taller.

Likes:
Milkies
Brothers
Daddy
Dogs
Cats
Dust bunnies (you mean those aren't food??!! Whoops...)
Food, particularly meat and oranges
Balls
Baby Einstein Baby Dolittle DVD
Exploring my mouth with her hand while nursing
This little piggy
Round and round the garden (similar to this little piggy but on the hand)
Tickles
Being 'chased'
Giving open mouthed kisses
Spinning around in circles on her bum
Thumping her heels against the floor
The bathroom
The garbage pails
The diaper pail
The computer (why do they always want those few things they can't have?)
Clapping two toys together to make noise
Blowing raspberries with her lips
Church nursery

Dislikes:
Car rides
Stroller rides
General confinement
Her snowsuit (oh how she HATES the snowsuit)
Being tired (at around six months of age we bought her an amber teething necklace because she was so freakin' cranky all the time; still no teeth, but the No Cry Sleep Solution produced a well rested baby who was remarkably less cranky! Who knew?)
Eating hair, yet she keeps doing it
Grampa
Uncle Tony

Our other kids were kind of sluts for attention; they would smile at anyone who glanced their way and work hard to engage them. Amarys is the opposite. Random lucky strangers get a half smile but the vast majority of the time people get the deadpan look. She's a bit reserved. She wants to watch you, but she definitely doesn't want to smile at you and she definitely doesn't want you to touch her. She will snatch her arm away if she's touched by someone she doesn't know, and give them a wary look. I rather like my daughter to guard her space, and her bodily autonomy. People generally respect it, which is appreciated.
She loves all her brothers, but she has an especial thing for Matthew. It's reciprocal.

She's a keeper. ♥

Advent

2011-11-27T11:48:00.001-08:00

Christmas is my favourite season. It is beautiful, peaceful, joyful, and filled with traditions and family and trying to prepare room for Jesus. Today is the first day of Advent, and a beautiful reminder of love in the driest season. This world has in it a painful dose of orphaned children, trafficked women, alcohol abuse, drought, twisted artistic talent, war, pornography, maternal deaths, hurricanes, and hunger. How can God account for this, and claim to be Love?
God's answer to brokenness is to send a baby. We ask Him; 'What is your answer, to all this pain?' and if we open ourselves up to an answer, He will fill it with the most beautiful, sweet smelling, lovely baby. A baby who will expand within us and grow beyond imagination, until He spills out into the world and startles us with His purity.
When Riley was born, I wrote

time slows down when you have a newborn in your arms.
my days are full of newborn baby smells. milk. poops. fresh laundry. pukes. the freshest, most fragrant skin on earth.
also, newborn baby textures. soft skin. tiny, downy hairs. milk letdowns. wet pukey puddles in my hair, on my pyjamas, in my bed. a soft body sharing patches of warmth on my arms, belly, breasts, face.
sounds. 'mm-mm-mm-mm' as he nurses. tiny, short breaths stitched like thread across the space between us. grunts. squirts. burps.
beauty. his eyes, skin, cheeks, hair, feet, bum, soft ears, tummy, and neck are fascinating visions of perfect, ethereal beauty. he's so beautiful that i can't sleep. all i want to do is watch him.

when his brothers are here, and awake, and their perfectly abundantly noisy selves, it feels crazy chaotic, but with an undercurrent of peace. smell my baby. he's the answer to the search for world peace. bring me armies, one by one--one breath each of baby newness and war will be finished.

I'm reminded of Children of Men, where war is unleashing its murderous rage and a woman walks through the middle of it all carrying the first baby that has been born on earth in twenty years. The newborn baby's cries slay war, if only for a moment, and every man pauses to look. Therein lies hope, and all the love of man and God complete and whole and pure, in every cell, in every yawn, in every cry.

Welcome, Jesus.

Yay for Baby Boys!

2011-11-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

One of the blogs I follow is a girl named Rachel, who just had her fourth baby! It's a boy! Go look, his photo is reeeeeally cute... Rachel knit me a sweater when I was pregnant with Amarys, and she's a fellow doula and multiple VBAC momma. She's awesome, and I'm super excited for her! We have the same mix now~3 boys and one girl!

Positive Boosts Needed

2011-11-27T01:59:00.001-08:00

Feeling rather bummed out. Wrestling with some old demons. Any positive boosts appreciated! ♥

How We Roll On a Friday Night

2011-11-26T17:05:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Brent worked a night shift. Boo. Never ones to let that ruin our Friday night fun, we decided to have what we call "Brupper"~a breakfast supper. Waffles, whipped cream, strawberries, eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns. Yippee! Never one to pass up on offers of help, I handed out "jobs" like ice cream. And my kids were just as excited as if it had been ice cream. WTF? Childhood is so weird. So wonderfully, deliciously weird.
After dinner we watched Cars 2. So fun. I'm relishing these Friday nights before my kids get older and busy with other things on Friday nights...things like girlfriends and youth group and toilet papering Mr. Colten's front yard while no one is looking...

Ayden was in charge of waffles (solo: I didn't have to
oversee him at all) p.s. don't notice the baby eating
off the floor in the background

Matthew was on whipping cream and juice duty. Lots of supervision
required... lol

Riley defrosted strawberries in the microwave

Amarys chewed on measuring cups
and looked cute

Mind the belly fat...oops, I mean bacon fat

Yummy, bacon and beer

Dinner declared a rousing success

One more of your daily dose of cute =)

And isn't it a good thing she's so cute?? Last week at the doctor's office our doctor was playing with her while examining her and she asked, "Why are you so cute?!! What is up with you babies, why are you all so cute?!!" And I piped in, "So their parents don't mind so much when they wake us up at night." She laughed and said, "That's the exact right answer!" Amarys decided to test that last night. After I cleaned up I put everyone to bed and crawled in bed with Riley to cuddle him to sleep, and promptly fell soundly asleep myself. At around eleven I crawled out of his bed and stumbled across the hallway to my own room. Amarys either woke up at some point, or was already in my bed; I don't remember. But at 3:30 Riley came crashing and crying into my bedroom, smashing the door against the wall and yelling that he wanted his milk and his water and I guess I was to blame that he couldn't find them in his sleepy state.
I don't mind if he comes in to snuggle at night, but crashing and screeching? Not cool. This noise and the kerfuffle of me getting up to fetch water and milk, and resettling Riley next to me woke Amarys up, who normally sleeps quite soundly until at least 5:30 a.m. More often, 7:00. Love to hate me, man. I have four kids, she's a miracle sleeper and it's just fate. Perhaps it is offset by Ayden, who got up every night for four and a half years? Methinks perhaps. Although as my friend Rachel put it quite well today, I'm inclined to get up myself now and then in the night to pee or have a drink of water, what makes us think our babies will be any different?
I digress.
Amarys then thought it was playtime. She bounced and farted and slapped and pulled hair and screeched from 3:30 in the morning until 5:30. I texted Brent at 4:00 in pretty desperate straights, and he texted me back with some work story about a guy with his fly undone and his hummer in the ditch. My foggy brain thought, "You selfish asshole." But my better self didn't say anything, particularly since at 4 o'clock in the morning my wonderful selfish asshole was standing on a cold street arresting low flying hummer owners to earn a paycheque to keep my selfish ass fed, clothed, and housed for another week. [Not that this is the way I truly view this situation; we both work hard to make our dream of having four kids and an amazing family work, and my being at home doing domestic frontline duty is just as much working towards that dream as his having a job outside our home. That income of his is shared income, and just as much a result of my work at home as it is his work at his job. I digress again, but this is an important bit of the picture, for me].
Eventually I took Amarys out to the livingroom and tried to distract her with Baby Einstein videos so I could face the back of the couch and go back to sleep. It worked, except that Riley heard the noise and got up yet again to kvetch and wail about milk and water and his misplaced nighttime owl but I abjectly refused to leave the couch so he just crawled under my blanket and fell back asleep again. Meanwhile Amarys is smacking my head and watching her show, alternately. Oh yes, and my lovely selfish asshole husband sets the thermostat to sub zero temperatures at night so we were all FREEZING until 5:00 a.m. when the furnace started up again. In fact, I credit the cozy warmth with the return to dreamland for all three of us at around 5:30. Wow, kids. You can't live without them, but damn if living with them ain't hard, sometimes...

Thoughts on NAB

2011-11-24T23:45:00.001-08:00

NAB: Nebulizing A Baby.

So, as you know, Amarys has developed bronchitis. Almost three weeks ago, she caught the head cold that was making the circuit in our family. She spiked a low grade fever that lasted five days, and followed that up with a nasty cough. The productive kind, with lots of green boogers. Yum.
Well, two weeks went by and she couldn't kick that productive cough. It kept her up at night, and she had trouble catching her breath between coughs and amongst all that mucus. Double yum, I know.
So I took her to our doctor and she figures the cold turned into viral bronchiolitis. She has had several pediatric patients hospitalized recently with this illness, and prescribed pulmicort and ventolin, given with a nebulizer and mask, numerous times per day. As a natural minded person I like to avoid medications whenever possible, especially with such a little baby. But also, as a paramedic, I know what the long term effects of chronic lung disease look like. Early and aggressive intervention can really make an incredible difference for long term outcomes~like, the difference between having lung disease and not having it. So, although I nurse her and give her vitamin D and rub essential eucalyptus oil on her chest at night, I've also been hooking her up to a rented nebulizer several times a day.

Pulmonary disease is epidemic, and for some reason the lungs are a particularly vulnerable organ for children. In nine years as a paramedic I have nebulized my fair share of kids, and I have to say that Amarys is the easiest one I've ever encountered. Most kids hate the mask, are scared of the noisy air, and avoid the mist at all costs. Especially babies. Man, do they hate having anything put on their faces (survival instinct!). But my little high strung, sensitive, pessimistic girl goes along with nebulizer treatments with very little fuss. She wants to grab the tubing of course, so I wrap her in a blanket (FYI, stretchy blankets don't work: use a non stretchy one or you'll be struggling with a baby octopus) to keep her hands out of the way. Not pinned, but blocked from grabbing the mask or tube. If I put Baby Einstein's Baby Dolittle DVD on for her, she will sit on my knee rapt and still for the entire treatment. This morning I tried Treehouse for variety, but I forgot that babies and toddlers don't like variety. They like Baby Dolittle and nothing else. I've learned that the reason Amarys does her little head bobby thing like a bear is that there is an owl that does it in this movie of hers. Also, baby lions are cute, and baby tigers are cuter. And monkeys have very intelligent faces. I have to get that head dance on film for you...

The pulmicort gives me headaches, and the ventolin makes her hyper, which keeps us both up at night. Wowser. Fun times in the Vose household!

The bright side is that I'm having a milksharing holiday! I don't mind sharing milk with baby Brayden, but a holiday from remembering to pump every day is nice, since it's happening anyways.

Pray for my girl, that she gets better soon! And pray hard she doesn't develop thrush; the pulmicort is bad for that, and there is no way to effectively rinse out her mouth afterwards, so it's a risk we're navigating. She's got some signs so far but I'm hoping it won't get too bad. Thrush is painful! And the last thing I want is her to be sick in another capacity, and for myself to be in pain (all too familiar). I'm grateful she's getting treated, that rattly, can't catch her breath nighttime cough was pretty awful, and scary to listen to. I'm also grateful it's temporary; there are families out there whose kids go through this type of treatment on an ongoing basis. Grateful for health, overall.

Repost: My Little Brown Canadian

2011-11-24T10:39:00.003-08:00

This post is a repost from 2009; I was scrolling through my older posts and this one was too sweet to pass up for a revisit. Especially the baby pictures. Gosh he's cute.

My much loved, sweet, funny, energetic, smart, witty, noisy, second born son is now officially a Canadian citizen!
It is a big day in the Vose household!
It is funny, but this paper validating his citizenship makes me feel like he is placed more solidly in my arms. Like before he was resting in my arms and now he is buckled into place. I didn't know it would make any difference in my mind, but it does. He feels more solidly mine, more securely placed. I guess because before he was a long standing visitor, and now is a citizen. It feels good to have my baby be more securely nestled in our culture.
Hooray!

Baby love when we brought him home:

And getting used to our family:

Tons of personality:

Growing up so fast!

Where does time fly to?

All Canadian boy:

Watch out Canada, here he comes!

And as a 2011 update...

Educational Support

2011-11-23T13:13:00.001-08:00

I'm having a rough time with the school system these days. In many ways, our educational system is amazing. We have free education for kindergarten through grade twelve, provincially funded so the entire educational system in our Province receives equal funding regardless of municipal tax income, and many educational options. Our kids' school is a good size; not too large or small, with an active Parent Advisory Council, great teachers, racial and cultural diversity, and several extra curricular programs including Science Club and Choir. So far, all of the teachers our kids have had (save one substitute who lost my Matthew twice: once last year and once in October) are excellent.

However. This is a big however. Our system is a bit of a mess. Our teachers' union is in protracted negotiations with the government at the moment. Some of the government's interactions with the union have been declared unconstitutional by our Supreme Court, and I'm willing to bet there's not a lot of effort on the part of the employer to resolve their current disagreements over contract negotiations, based on past events. Our municipality overspent 8.3 million dollars several years ago and have been cutting corners ever since to make up for it; including extending spring break so that they won't have to pay support staff, such as janitors and office administrators, and can save money. They have also severely cut learning assistance and support staff like librarians, school psychologists, speech and language pathologists, and special education teachers.

Excuse my french but this is a load of everfucking CRAP. As if our most vulnerable students are the ones with room to spare when it comes to funding. As if learning assistance teachers don't already have large caseloads. As if research doesn't show that extra support makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE for at risk kids... One of those at risk kids happens to be MINE. I'd be passionate about this issue anyways, but suddenly it has become absolutely imperative. Currently Matthew receives ONE session per week with the Learning Assistance teacher. His session happens to be on Mondays, which means that if we have a holiday or the LA teacher is sick, he doesn't get help. It has been three weeks since he saw his Learning Assistance teacher because of holidays and her being sick~which is another issue entirely because the school board will save money when she is sick by not replacing her. This is Canada, not sub-Sahara or Northern Pakistan. High quality public education is not a pipe dream, or too much to expect in a socialized system in a developed country.

His teachers all agree that Matthew really needs more assistance than he is getting. His LA teacher hedges with me a bit; he's on the list for testing with the school psychologist and 'until then' he is only eligible for once a week. He is in a small class with only 16 kids, in a specialized classroom based on the Montessori style of teaching with several ages together, an emphasis on personal responsibility for learning outcomes, and individualized lesson plans for each child. This style of classroom suits Ayden, who is in a gifted program, and Matthew, who needs tons of extra support. His teachers are able to give him a LOT more time than a traditional classroom could offer, and yet he still needs more. I'm frustrated as can be.

Last year Matthew had special help every day at school with the Reading Recovery program, as well as once per week sessions with the school speech and language pathologist. This year he gets once per week (Reading Recovery has been cut for funding reasons), and he has not yet seen the speech and language pathologist. I have phoned the school psychologist; not heard back. I have phoned the speech and language pathologist; not heard back. I emailed the Learning Assistance teacher, who hedges a bit and advocates a bit; she sent emails to the psychologist and speech therapist, also. I have talked to both of Matthew's teachers. I am at a loss as to how else to advocate for my kid, who fits the category of vulnerable student to a T. He has a lot going for him, educationally, as far as at risk kids go: one at home parent who advocates for him, early intervention for several issues including speech and language pathology and tubes in his ears, parents who speak English for their first language and read to him every day, limited screen time, lots of time to be physically active, an intact family, and middle class socioeconomic class. But jeepers if this kid doesn't need specialized support on so many levels. He's full of personality, intelligence, skills, and talent, but he needs so much educational support. More than I would know how to even start addressing if I were teaching him at home: like when you treat colds and the flu with home remedies but if your kid has a heart condition, you need a cardiologist. I feel like Learning Assistance teachers and other support staff like the school psychologist and speech pathologist are experts in their field, they went to school for many years to learn the ins and outs of their craft, and I cannot even hope to compete with that. I don't think it's fully appropriate; although in other life circumstances I would do it at home without reservation, but since we live here and have access to good public education our kids are quite well off at school. Or, they should be.

This process is stretching me, tons. It is showing me the cracks in our current system. I just want my kid to have an educational environment that fits around his special needs, and helps him reach his full potential while keeping his self esteem intact. So far, he's on that track, but I fear that without more adequate educational support, he won't be for much longer. Le frustrated sigh. With an added dose of double middle finger to the Ministry of Education for how it fails my kid with its budget cuts.

Busy Kids

2011-11-21T23:01:00.001-08:00

Empties everything; clean laundry in basket? Not anymore!!

Snotty nose, big eyes, spiky hair (all natural: you wet it, you comb it flat, it dries like this...)

Donor milk waiting for pickup

Beached baby

Autumn fun

Snotty nose turned bronchitis=nebulizer treatments... poor baby

Nebulizer tip: wrap baby in blanket so she can't grab tubing, and distract her with Baby Einstein

Post dinner cookie face~she wants out of her chair and can't understand why we're laughing so hard...

Aren't we good enough?

2011-11-21T00:23:00.001-08:00

Link to an excellent post. You're a Good Mother, by alternative mama... Yes, yes, and YES! The danger of AP parenting is getting embroiled in thinking there is a best way, and that we are never okay, just as we are, today. In all our humanness. In all our yelly moments.

We show up.
We love them.
It's enough.

Children's Day!

2011-11-20T19:54:00.001-08:00

Today is the United Nations Children's Day!! I wrote a post on Mothers of Change celebrating childhood~please check it out if you have a chance! Join the celebration by linking your own post, adding a photo of your child to our facebook page, or leaving a comment for us! Hooray for childhood, in all its beauty...

A Day in the Life

2011-11-20T13:32:00.001-08:00

Here's a glimpse into my daily (with variables for a shift working husband who may or may not be present at any given time);

-Nurse baby 24,687 times between 4:30 and 7:00 a.m., because everyone knows that as soon as you write on the internet "My baby never wakes up at night," she will start doing so.
-fall into deep slumber around 7:00. Alarm goes off at 7:10. Hit snooze.
-Hit snooze.
-Hit snooze again.
-Get up, fend off one child who is a 'morning person' who greets me with enthusiasm and an onslaught of questions, and hassle oldest child to get out of bed.
-Simultaneously:
make breakfast,
pump milk for baby Brayden
make two school lunches
hassle oldest child to get out of bed, repeatedly.
-Drive two older kids to school.
-Go home and get dressed/shower/clean up, OR go directly to Strong Start where youngest two play hard, make crafts, and sing with gusto and I try to keep baby from eating playsand or french kissing other babies while being attentive to three year old.
-Do housework, or procrastinate on computer
-Make/serve lunch
-Put baby down for nap. Ease breast out of baby's mouth, stealth-climb out of bed, inevitably kick something loud or crinkly, slip out of room, get down hall, hear wailing. Repeat.
-Clean up lunch
-Alternately, do errands while baby cat naps between stores. This always leads to evening meltdowns and poor nighttime sleeping.
-Wake baby, pack two kids into van or stroller, drive or walk to school to pick up older boys (round trip 3.2 Km, I can sometimes manage this and sometimes not)
-Return with four kids in tow. Make snacks for all, help grade 2 child read/do homework, hassle oldest child to practice violin
-Drive kids to activities: violin lessons, gymnastics, soccer, or playdates.
-Make dinner
-Serve dinner
-Bathe dirty kids
-Referee fights between clean kids
-Read bedtime stories
-Put kids to bed in this order: #3, #2, #4, #1.
-Fold laundry, clean up dinner dishes, fall on couch, die a thousand tired deaths, stay up too late blogging or watching t.v.

We had Nerd Friends visiting recently: Jen, Andrey, and Michella from the Philippines. Someone was teasing Jen about her maid, and Jen got all flustered and said, "Well, I don't have to feel guilty about our helper!" I laughed so hard. Guilty? Are you KIDDING ME?!! If I had someone around whom I could pay an affordable amount to help with the above list, I'd be all over them apples. Since when is paying someone to help you a bad thing? We were made to live and function within a community setting~say you don't have relatives around in droves like the Amish day in and day out, you just might benefit from a housekeeper. Sign me up.

Between interruptions, we try to maintain other relationships, pursue hobbies, exercise, live intentionally, eat ecologically, wash diapers, clip coupons, advocate for issues we feel passionately about, and tend our marriage. When you write it all down, it seems big. When you live it, it feels medium large. Busy, but doable. Chaotic, but fun. Not everyone's cup of tea, but mine one hundred percent.

Mommy Date

2011-11-16T23:15:00.001-08:00

To clarify; my previous post was a link to Crappy Pictures Blog. It was pretty funny. I don't think anyone really got that; and my mom clicked a link to a previous post of mine that talked about pregnancy so she thought I was pregnant... Ha ha. I'm not.

So I try to take my kids out for one on one time periodically, to build and maintain an individual relationship with each one. Since this past year involved a move and a baby, I've been slacking off on the Mommy Dates. Last weekend I rectified that by taking Ayden on a date on Saturday afternoon. We went to A&W for lunch, which he chose because he had a coupon for 2 meals for $10. Isn't it cute that he takes after me, the couponing queen? The meals were chubby chicken meals, and I'm not sure I've eaten that much grease in approximately ten years, but really, this date wasn't about the food. It was about making his face look like this:

Who could resist such a cute date? Add yummy root beer in iced glasses, and you've got yourself a happy Mommy Date pair.

After lunch we went to the movies and saw Puss In Boots. Ayden had a kids pack popcorn and blue slushie, so we pretty much rocked the nutrition component of our date. I had a frozen yogurt and percolated that chubby chicken lunch all through the movie. We laughed pretty hard all the way through the movie, it was great! I liked the Shrek movies for myself but think they are a little...inappropriate, with the jokes and adult content in some parts. Puss In Boots largely avoided this, so that was nice! Otherwise it followed in the Shrek tradition, by amalgamating several fairy tales into one, and putting unexpected spins on the plots and characters to make them funny and to keep us captivated. I loved it.

Most of all I loved the focused conversation we had. We didn't talk about anything too deep~ at one point I asked him if he still wanted to be an Entymologist when he grows up, and he looked kind of sheepish and said, "Maybe not. Maybe I'd also really like to be a helicopter pilot." But mostly, Ayden talked about Club Penguin, and I listened. Isn't every little boy's heart living halfway to the Arctic Circle, anyways? I let him lead the conversation anywhere he wanted to, and it led over the hills and far away in a land of ice and penguins. Listening to my kid and learning as much as I can about what excites him in life goes a long way in making him feel appreciated for who he is. How often does he really get to just talk and have my undivided attention to listen? This date was awesome. It reminded me again how great my oldest kid is, and how smart and funny and passionate he is, and how he is good at describing just about anything, and wonderful at sharing his heart if given a little bit of encouragement. He is an amazing big brother, absolutely fantastic. He is patient, kind, selfless, helpful, intuitive, and empathetic with his siblings. And it is also nice when he can get away from them all for awhile, and settle into a long, detailed description of something he really likes.

One date really gave us a relationship boost overall, because we've both been more patient, less task focused, and more connected with each other this week than usual. We are pretty good at getting along and communicating with each other, but every little Mommy Date boosts our relationship and connectedness to a new level, and I'm grateful he's still very enthusiastic about spending time with me. =)
I'm sure enthusiastic about spending time with him! ♥ And we've spent some good times debriefing the movie, and remembering its funniest bits this week...

This Is My Life

2011-11-16T00:56:00.001-08:00

SRSLY.

television weakness

2011-11-14T23:38:00.001-08:00

I have this weakness for reality t.v. I tend to kind of watch a bunch of episodes of a show, get all addicted to it, then peter out until I get snared in another one. Having PVR is really nice because I can record a bunch of whatever I'm wrapped up in and watch a few episodes while Brent works night shifts, and not bore him. And then when I get tired of a show, I just delete them and stop recording new episodes. Easy peasy.

My current thing is Sister Wives. Now, I have believed for years that polygamy should be legalized. It doesn't make sense to me for our country to be founded on the principle of religious freedom and then limit the freedom of certain religions to practice what they believe is fundamentally right or good. (Caveat; between consenting adults). I believe polygamy is wrong. I believe it goes against intelligent design. But I strongly feel that it should be legal. And in Canada, it will be, soon.
So a few years ago TLC had this show on a family that embraced polygamy, called "Big Love." I watched a few episodes but I really, really hated it. The first wife expressed that her husband had indicated he wanted to live in a polygamous relationship and she had a choice to leave or to accept another wife. So, rather than lose the husband she loved, she stayed, and she learned to live with another wife in the house.
Excuse me, what?! Can you really call that consent? It's like saying, "Well, if you let me rape you I will stay your boyfriend, but if you don't I'm outta here." And on the other end of that; what guy is worth accepting another wife against your will? I'm sorry, you want another wife, you take your ass outta my house and you go get one. And don't you even THINK about coming back in here!!!

And also, there's the whole Bountiful debacle. Et al.

When Sister Wives came on the scene I was intrigued. I watched an early episode, and it blew me away. Totally left behind my socks, it blew me away so hard. These are normal people, normal women like me, who actually CHOOSE polygamy because it is what they want in life. They WANT sister wives! They WANT to share their husband because they believe it makes them better people. I can certainly see where they are coming from, and especially from watching the show. They get jealous sometimes. They feel like they don't get enough of their husband's attention. They get on each others' nerves. But they work through it, and believe that family is worth working it through for. And they LOVE each other! I had always thought sister wives would put up with each other because they had to, but in this case they are more like sisters or sisters in law who live together or something, except that they share a husband. Who chooses polygamy, really?
But these women really pushed my stereotypical ideas of what polygamy could look like, and who might do it, and why they might do it. It's pretty cool.

That said, last week's episode really got to me. On it there was another family from their same church, and their same beliefs, who happen not to be living polygamously, because the opportunity to take another wife hasn't presented itself. They have been married for fifteen years and have six children together, and yet are discussing entering plural marriage. They had hesitations but they believe strongly that it is decreed by God that they do this, so they will at some point, if they can find a good mate. It killed me to sit there and watch this family, who obviously love each other deeply and have built a family together, talk about splitting it by adding another adult to the picture. The wife mentioned a few times about missing her husband on the nights he would be with his other wife, and missing coparenting with him, and sleeping by herself, and it really bothered me. She wasn't following her husband on this one, either; she expressed that this was the right thing to do but that she was sad about those things. And I just hated that she felt compelled to accept a relationship that would divide the beautiful thing she has in her life, now. Maybe particularly because it looks much like mine, now, with lots of kids and a close relationship between parents, and an obvious deep value in love and family. Add another wife? Yowch. It kills me that this couple can't just believe in plural marriage but not participate in it because their family is beautiful the way it is.

Also in the most recent episode (ie the one that aired last night) they were interviewed at a university as a panel, and someone asked about the idea of 'brother husbands,' and Kody, the husband, said that question grated him like sandpaper. SAY WHAT?! You have four wives and you have a problem with someone broaching the patriarchal aspect of your marriage? I'm sorry but you are kind of asking for that one, dude. I wanted to smack him.
I was pretty uncomfortable with last night's show also because they started to talk about some of the religious history and reasoning behind their brand of polygamy and I just so totally disagree with it that it is hard to watch. The whole "celestial plural marriage" thing just feels like an elaborate religious excuse for adultery. Ongoing adultery, in your own house.
But who am I to say? It works for them. They believe in it, they live the consequences of it, and I fully embrace their right to do so in my country (though the show is not filmed in my country). Three cheers for religious freedom, and high five for live and let live, man. I may think you're crazy, but you are welcome to live next door to me, any day. (Just don't convert my kids, or we might have a problem). He he.

Another big buzz these days in the reality TV circuit (I swear, I don't watch that much television; I don't have time! But I like my shows when I can watch them) is the news that Michelle Duggar from 19 Kids and Counting is pregnant again, with her 20th child (technically her 22nd pregnancy, since she had two miscarriages after her first son was born). One of my fellow artists, a FB friend, posted on her wall a link to the story that she's pregnant and asked; "What do you think?" and the response floored me. I've heard people criticize this family before, vehemently, and it always makes me speechless. Like, you may not agree with them or whatever but why do you care so vehemently about her reproductive life? It's pretty gross, actually, how many people express a wish to limit her reproductive capacity and criticize her choice to allow God to decide how many children she will have. It's feminism at work, that she chooses what happens to her body, particularly in a reproductive capacity, and she has the right to do so in whatever way she believes is best for her body. Women's bodies are remarkably more capable than we like to think they are, and the uterus is a muscle, not a deflated water balloon, so its capacity to give birth multiple (multiple) times is probably greater than we think. Michelle has had five (or six?) cesareans, and 13 VBACs. As a fellow VBAC momma I think that's pretty frickin' amazing.
I think, though, that what bothers me is that those who speak the most critically of Michelle's current pregnancy know so little about the Duggars and their philosophies, and their beliefs. The reasons why they continue to leave their fertility up to God, and the reason they agree to be on television stem from a belief in the value of children. Each child is a gift, and a blessing from God. I think our culture has a lot to learn from the Duggars when it comes to valuing children and valuing family. Although their income from the show is likely substantial, I really don't believe that their motivation for being on television is mercenary. It seems more to be a witness to others about their Christian beliefs, and about the value of children and family. And the more I watch the show, the more I learn about how they operate. And the more I respect it. They are not "Spoil the rod and spare the child" types. They ascribe to Ezzo but they also really focus on relationship building, character development, and gentle discipline. They try hard to listen to the heart of each child and nurture each one's gifts, and to meet the inevitable chaos or teachable moments with patience and guidance. I can totally respect that. Michelle Duggar also started out having several home births, so you really can't fault a woman who does that, can you??? (lol) She also breastfeeds on demand and cosleeps (not cobedding, but with a crib in her room next to her bed), which for most women is enough to delay the return of their fertility until at least the six month mark; often longer. I'm not most women, and neither is Michelle Duggar. I saw an episode once where she talked about it, and she said her cycles return about three months after her babies are born, despite nursing on demand. Often her first sign that she is pregnant again is that her nursling gets fussy while breastfeeding!

At any rate, I believe very strongly in the Duggars' right to have as many children as they choose (or God chooses) without criticism. I mean, we can question them, but the angry condemning I have been hearing is completely uncalled for. The whole "she almost died how can she risk leaving all those other kids behind, yadda, yadda"--PUH-lease. Pregnancy and birth is not a disaster waiting to happen. She's done it before. She's forty five so she likely won't do it again. She is healthy and fit, and believes that the value of another child is greater than the cost of the risk that she or this baby might be unhealthy at the end of this pregnancy.

It is also interesting to hear criticism of large families in general. I have a large family, albeit not one with twenty children in it, and I can attest that it is tiring. But it always stuns me to hear people comment that families with lots of children cannot possibly give each child what it needs. Are you shitting me? Most large families I know are so family centered it's not possible for those children to NOT get what they need. Many homeschool and thus spend more time with their children than any two child family that public schools. Most have one stay at home parent which means that tons of focus is on family togetherness; family meals, family vacations, family chores, family jokes, family fights, family meetings... Families whose parents both work outside the home can also be very family focused, for sure. And I don't diminish that at all, since that described our family for years. But it is true that with healthy parents, a stay at home parenting situation means a good dose of attention or focus on the children in that family. You don't have to be as intentional about it; it just happens. And what about the amazing gift that siblings are to each other? Particularly in a large family. Don't mesh with #4? Hang out with #2 and #7 instead. Need a listening ear and mom and dad are busy making dinner? Talk to #1. Can't remember which birthday involved a dropped cake and dog poop on the deck? Ask any sibling. It's surreal to me to listen to people criticize large families. Don't think it's for you? Don't do it! But for Pete's sake let other people do it if they want to! Us big families aren't living the way we are to inherently criticize you, and I can certainly understand how someone could think that two kids is the perfect size family for them. Or one. One is nice, because you really can give that child a deep sense of justice and kindness, and a sense of how to relate to adults because they so often interact with adults, who generally treat kids fairly and with kindness. Unlike siblings. To be honest, I don't understand how people choose to have NO kids~I respect that choice, because having kids is really hard, and raising them sucks time and energy and talent out of you~but I don't understand it. At all. Zero. The drive for babies is so strong in me that it is genuinely worth it to me to have children, at any cost. I love my kids, and am very glad to have the experience of knowing them. Pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding especially are very deep, intimate experiences that cannot be mirrored by other life experiences. And then babies grow up, and they grow into these interesting, autonomous, funny, irrational creatures with their own opinions and interests and talents, and my best art ever was having kids. By far.
Anyways. Big families, awesome. Small families, super awesome. Live and let live, man. And watch a t.v. show before you criticize it; you just never know.

=)

More Crazy Quotes

2011-11-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

Here’s what I want my children to know: When it comes to my brain, I have challenges with the way it works. I’m an anxious person, more than most. I deal with it the best I can, thanks to supportive people, and coping tools and medication. Those things don’t fix my brain 100%, they just make my brain easier to live with.

Also, my mental illness is all relative, in the scheme of things. Challenges abound in life. I have anxiety, but there are a lot of things I don’t have. I don’t have diabetes or heart disease. I don’t have anger management problems. I don’t have a job or marriage I hate. There are all sorts of things that affect parents lives that may in turn affect their parenting too. None of these things makes a parent bad or good. They just are. Not managing them could turn into a problem, yes, but otherwise they are part of life. None of us is perfect, except as a perfect display of real humanity with all of its flaws.

Katherine Stone, Postpartum Progress

Parenting With A Mental Illness

2011-11-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Plato

This is what I want to teach my kids about life and about mental illness. I hope the battle I fight with anxiety is a lesson to my children that we all have battles, numerous battles, and that it would be a mistake to expect they won’t have them too. If their battle is with mental illness, so be it. If it’s with something else, so be it. All battles count. None are better. None are worse. They simply are.

(read the whole post here; it's worth it. Written by Katherine Stone from Postpartum Progress.)

Quote of the Day

2011-11-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

Like there you are two miles up on a mountain, and it's already dark, and if you think about the destination, all the way down there at the bottom, you're apt to lose heart, because how the fuck are you going to make it two whole miles in total darkness through thick forest when there are rocks and roots and really steep descents? The only way, and isn't this such a cliche but isn't it also so freaking true, is one step at a time. You know? Also, it helps to have friends. And to sing a bit while you walk. And to just breathe and feel where you're at because this is your life, this one right here, the only one you're going to have, so feel it, experience it, don't miss it, even in the hard and uncomfortable and blind parts.

-tamie marie

I Changed My Mind

2011-11-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

Riley is really into changing his mind these days. This morning he was supposed to get dressed to go out but he got wrapped up in what he was doing and declared,
I changed my mind, I don't want to go anymore.

Tough cookies, monster. We're going!

He also likes to help out around the kitchen or with household tasks, but midway gets distracted.
I changed my mind, I don't want to help you anymore. I'm going to go play play-doh.

Okay. But only because you are SO CUTE.

He has also been into admitting when he is wrong, which is kind of fun.
Daddy, you were right and I was wrong.
Brent loves that one.

Anyways, as adults we sometimes don't allow ourselves the space to change our minds as freely as children do, and of course there are many reasons named Responsibility for why this is the case. Like, I married my husband and then twenty seconds later I was pregnant, and although I may have wanted to, I couldn't just change my mind and swap out for unpregnant singlehood again.
But the freedom to change is also space to grow. My dad stayed in a job he hated for far too many years because he felt very heavily the responsibility of caring for his family. Eventually, mid career, he changed his mind. And was much happier because of it. When I met Brent, he had outgrown his job, too, and couldn't find exactly the right alternative. We had some cool, live overseas and teach English type plans, but of course twenty seconds after we got married, Ayden moved in, so any changes in career path took on a heftier weight.

Partly it was the responsibility of having children, and partly it was an uncertainty about what to do that slowed Brent down. He looked into several possibilities, but it wasn't until he hit on law enforcement that he finally found a calling. I laughed, inwardly, when he broached the idea~if you know my hubs you know why, because he is the most laid back, easygoing, conflict free man I've ever met. Not your typical cop. But these qualities actually make him one of the best cops around, in the end. People he works with comment on his uncanny ability to manage conflict without letting anyone 'get away' with anything they shouldn't.

I have wanted to be a paramedic since I was a little girl. Medics have a high burnout rate, and careers typically last around ten years, so I figured when I started that this career would be one of several. Nine years isn't so bad, and I saw some pretty cool stuff. I think I stayed long enough to get some amazing life experiences and meet some really weird, wacky, and amazing people, but not long enough to get totally jaded or hardened. I left with some remaining compassion for the world.

My plan, then, was to pursue midwifery. I became a doula (non certified), a breastfeeding counsellor, and known in my circle of friends as the resource go-to girl for birth and breastfeeding. Then somewhere, sometime last spring after Amarys was born, I kind of changed my mind. It's complicated, but largely the answer to why I changed my mind can really be summed up by Steve Jobs, whose list of how to be successful in life includes the advice, "Say no to a thousand things." If I could be a cat and have nine lives, in one life I would be a midwife. And really, there is no limit to when we can start things so I could always go to school for midwifery in the future if I feel called back in that direction. But for now, I had two lovely natural births after two rather unusual ones, I love helping my friends access information and resources on birth, support them while they give birth if they want me to, and I'm saying no to one of a thousand things by changing my mind about midwifery school.

One of the things I'm passionate about and rarely have time for is art. I always have been a pragmatic artist; you can't make a living at it so don't bother trying, was kind of my philosophy. But with our busy family I'm finding working outside the home impractical, and definitely time consuming in a way that eradicates my art. I'm hoping to stockpile some crochet toys and hats and stuff, do some paintings, and start selling stuff. To do that, I need to stop doing stuff for free, but as my friend Louise can attest, this is easier said than done. There are just so many amazing kids out there that I want to make toys for =) And I always hate taking money from friends. TRADES are super cool; Louise did my birth photos and I knit her some hats for her photography business (here's a peek at one from her photography site):

Income is pretty cool, too, though, so I've been looking into craft fairs and farmer's markets around where I live. I'm thinking about opening an etsy shop too. I prefer to stay local but you know, I'm not opposed to etsy, either. Especially if people particularly like my stuff, maybe they will pay postage for my toys!! I'm working on a website for myself but it's pretty crappy. It would be better, but I lost a DVD with photos on it that Louise made of my toys. So then I got unmotivated. Another stumbling block is insurance. I am not sure I will be able to make enough income to make insurance even possible, but it is a child's toy so if someone got hurt I could be in a bad situation. Like a homeless situation. What kind of crappy thought is that? I can't make kids toys on the side and sell them because someone might sue me? Argh. Anyways. That's where I'm at, with changing my mind.
I also write a lot. I'm more of an artist than a writer, but I write for and am the Editor of Mothers of Change, as well as write on here, and for the Natural Parents Network. Maybe somehow I can find a way to turn writing into a paying gig. Which makes it sound purely mercenary, but that is not the case at ALL. I have several good friends who are officially "Writers" who read this blog and they are far more talented than I, so I would hesitate to say I'd like to add writing to my art sphere and have them read it and go "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YES! The world needs more terrible writing in it, please publish."

But in my defense, my second choice of careers when I was a kid was Author and Artist. So there's that. I just never ever talk about it on here. I went to UVic for a year as a creative writing major. I graduated from TWU as an English major and Art minor (TWU didn't offer an Art major at the time, otherwise I would have majored in Art), and have a special interest in Modern Art History. I'd say I'm an artist who writes. (Never one to naturally pick just ONE favourite, of anything, ever...)
That's where I'm at.

How We Roll When We Roll With It

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

So half of us are sick. The sick half; myself, Riley, and Amarys. The non sick half; Brent, Ayden, and Matthew. Yesterday Riley was miserable. At dinnertime he was rolling around the living room floor, screaming, because he was feverish, and also his little bum was itchy and painful. I guess he didn't wipe it very adequately. So Brent was trying to convince him to take a bath but Riley was having none of it. Eventually the screaming fit subsided when Brent, in all his brilliance, suggested a bubble bath!
Why would a father do something so clueless? Riley has sensitive skin. When he was a baby he had eczema and would break out in a spotty rash if he was exposed to regular soaps, so we switched to something more natural with emu oil in it, and I threw out all the bubble bath. This was three years ago.

Brent wanders into the kitchen and says, in all innocence,
Where's the bubble bath?
Ha. Have fun describing eczema and harsh soaps to your three year old bath hater with an itchy bum. Sucker.

After some more freaking out I suggested dish soap. Yay! Tears abated once again, and into the hot, soapy bath he went. I'm not sure exactly how much dish soap went into the tub, but lets just say it took me several rinses to clean the tub a day later. But gosh darn it, if he wasn't cute. And clean! *fistpump!*

As I was washing dishes afterwards, Amarys was crawling circles around my legs, and screaming. When is this baby not screaming? Le sigh. She wanted me to pick her up. I know her well; she will claw my neck and scream if I put her in the ergo, but wail like a poorly trained opera singer if I leave her on the floor. She wants a real, live hip carry. It's a small thing, but if I don't get my kitchen clean before I lie down to help the littlest ones sleep, it won't get done because I won't have the energy later. And it makes my morning so much easier if I can start with a clean kitchen! So I just wanted to get the last few dishes washed, and Amarys was having none of it. Gar. I picked her up and sat her on the counter but she's too small to stay put.
I looked at her and thought, Hm, you'd be happy in the sink.
So I put her in the sink. With water.

DOUBLE CUTENESS.
A few minutes later the boys walked in, and were tickled to see Amarys having so much fun sitting in the kitchen sink. Now these are the kinds of moments I live for.

These, and ones like tonight, when Amarys' sippy cup rolled off the table during dinner and Riley said,
Oh shit.
I looked at him.
What did you say?!
I said Oh shit! Ammyboo's cup felled on the floor.

@#$%^&*(+!!!

2011-11-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I earned the mom of the year award by swearing at my kid. NICE. Good self control, me.

Moving on...

So, we live in this frightfully expensive part of North America. Lots of people do (we look around us...um, check: 1.7 million people). Housing costs in our area have increased 100% in the last ten years. Your average home in our area at around 2,000 square feet costs approximately $650,000. Fuel costs have increased 100% in the last 8 years. When Ayden was born gas cost around 70 cents per litre, and now it costs $1.35. Of course, our property taxes reflect the value of our property so taxes have gone up 100% in the last ten years as well. The cost of purchasing a vehicle has increased steadily, although not as drastically. Certainly since the previous generation, buying a car has become barely affordable. To 'help,' loans for purchasing vehicles are broken down into very small increments, so that it's not unheard of to owe more than a vehicle is worth after making payments on said vehicle for several years. Insuring a vehicle costs upwards of $1,400 per year, with the maximum safe driving discount.

Like, holy cow.

Somehow, we make it work. But we barely squeak by, particularly since we bought our new house. We frequently get hassled to go on trips to visit relatives, and this makes us look at each other in desperation~we are praying there is enough gas in the van to get the kids to school and soccer for the next few days, we're in overdraft, the plastic is full, and the next paycheque accounted for a week before it arrives. And we're somehow going on a trip? Hahahahahahahaaaa....

We make it work. I coupon. =) Brent works overtime. We fix lots of stuff on our own. We have empty wallets, and full hearts, and we're happy for it. We also have prayerful plans; we'd like to live overseas at one point, for example, and we love to travel (on a shoestring). We would like a treadmill. We buy lottery tickets. In fact, one of our favourite passtimes is spending our imaginary lottery earnings! One of our first expenditures would be Agape Home, which cared for Matthew from the time he was born until we adopted him. Looking for a charity to donate to this Christmas? Check those guys out. =)
We give things that cost time and energy, like crochet toys, pumped milk, and handmade woodwork. But jeepers, we wish we could give more. We should give more, but we have first world problems like credit card debt and soccer fees.
Gar.

This winter is shaping up to be one of the coldest in recent history, and being generally rain gear people on account of living in a rain forest, we don't have a whole lot of warm stuff. I figured that Costco and coupons and careful planning could get the kids outfitted for winter, one item per paycheque, and hopefully everyone would be dressed warmly by February. Then yesterday we came home from picking the kids up from school, and there was an anonymous card tucked into the weatherstripping of our front door. With a gift card in it for our local mall! With enough money to outfit the kids for winter!! Like, today!!!

We're wracking our brains to try and figure out who could have done this for us; who?! Everyone we know in this area has the same troubles we do~the price of housing being generally the same for them as it is for us! We're so grateful. Whoever it is, wherever they are, I hope they know. Snow pants [45% off, thanks to coupons], snow boots, and warm, dry kids during this frosty winter will remind me daily to be grateful for everything I have.

Thank you!
The world is sometimes very kind. And swearing at your kids is not recommended. =)

TFB

2011-11-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

Feminist Breeder has a hysterical post this week on blue balls--you will pee your pants AND maybe add a parenting tool to the toolbox, if you have any kids... Enjoy...

Quote of the Day

2011-11-05T16:17:00.001-07:00

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

~Jill Churchill

Busted

2011-11-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

I froze a bunch of pasta sauce and soup this year, to reduce our need to buy said items. I didn't think much of which containers to freeze them in, other than: do we have enough of them? And: is there BPA in it? So I just used my canning jars. Then I read somewhere that you can't freeze canning jars, particularly ones with 'shoulders.' Like these ones:

Oops.

It's a good thing canning jars are in abundant supply in my garage, and replacements can generally be found at any second hand store and many garage sales for dirt cheap. Because canning is so old fashioned nobody knows what to do with Gramma's old jars and who would take the time to do something ridiculous like canning anyways? *Raises hand* He, he. Live and learn. Next year, I won't freeze my jars, and now I have to keep the unbroken "weakened" shoulder jars separate from my "never before frozen" jars or they will bust when I try and process tomatoes, applesauce, and (hopefully) peaches next summer~which task is proving impossible thus far. They are already mixed in and I have no idea which is which. So many busted that hopefully this won't be an enormous problem resulting in wasted fruit and time next year!

Note to self and anyone who is interested in home canning/freezing: don't freeze food in canning jars! If you do, use straight jars and keep them separate from your canning jars.

If you don't freeze and can, and you are still reading, I applaud you.