This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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I'm a Natural Parent BUT...
I like time outs.
My kids watch television.
I had a cesarean.
In fact I don't think "natural parent" is a very good descriptor for me at all. How about: Tired Parent? How about Managing To Get By Parent? Or Lets Baby Eat Onion Skins Off Floor Because It's Just Easier Parent? I think I'm more of an instinctual parent. I like to follow my gut, although I like to think about the root cause of my gut instinct when it comes to my kids so I guess I'm a well examined gut parent, who has a passion for all things earthy. Well maybe not all things.
I'm a natural minded gut parent BUT...
I think formula feeding parents are awesome.
I like soap.
My baby wears W*al Mart brand diapers at night.
I'm fairly pragmatic, in life, and don't put much stock in idealism. We're not out to change the world, here, we're just raisin' babies, which has been done well and ill for thousands of years. I'd like to do it well but I'm not sure I can do it perfectly. Humans are adaptable creatures who flourish in environments from the North Pole to the rocky provinces of Afghanistan so I'm pretty sure kids are flourishing in homes that compost and homes that don't. Families that give birth in water and those that give birth in operating rooms. I LOVE my kids and want the best for them, but sometimes a less than perfect experience is all I can offer. I believe this is good for them! They learn empathy. They learn that it's okay to make mistakes. That people can strive to do better, and how to apologize. They also learn how to adapt in an imperfect world. They learn how to grapple with their own inevitable failures and weaknesses and odd bits of temperament that rub people the wrong way and remind themselves of me. The whole OMG I've become my mother syndrome.
I'm a pragmatic ecoholic dissected guts parent BUT...
We take the kids to M*cDonald's sometimes.
I don't eat placenta.
We drive a van.
I'm addicted to my babies and I love them even more than tootsie roll lollipops and I believe each one of them is here to make the world a better place.
I feed them with love.
I wash them often.
I playfight.
It is beautiful.
I'm enough.
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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
- I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
- I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
- Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
- Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
- Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
- 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
- I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
- Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
- My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
- I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
- I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
- I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
- Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
- I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
- I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
- Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
- I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
- I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
- I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
- Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
- How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
- I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
- Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
- The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
- Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
- I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
- I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
- Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
- Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
- Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
- Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
- We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
- Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
- Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
- Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things
16 comments:
I like your idea of being an "instinctual parent!" I often think that my choices are born out of survival (baby wearing to allow me to cook dinner and soothe her, cosleep to allow me to get any sleep at all, etc.). But I also think allowing for and listening to our instincts is a fairly revolutionary thing in our busy world. Which is why it's also a great example for our kids!
I like your post so much because it is an example of being committed to your kids over committed to a philosophy.
Thanks for sharing! :)
I LOVE my kids and want the best for them, but sometimes a less than perfect experience is all I can offer. I believe this is good for them! They learn empathy. They learn that it's okay to make mistakes. That people can strive to do better, and how to apologize. They also learn how to adapt in an imperfect world. They learn how to grapple with their own inevitable failures and weaknesses and odd bits of temperament that rub people the wrong way and remind themselves of me.
This is so, so true! If there were such a thing as a "perfect" parent, their children would probably be more likely to struggle out there in the "real" world, where imperfection is the reality. It's so important to remember that we're all doing the best we can to live according to our values within the resources available to us. Great post!
They learn empathy. They learn that it's okay to make mistakes. That people can strive to do better, and how to apologize. They also learn how to adapt in an imperfect world.
^^ This is honestly what I feel is the most important part of natural (or instinctual, or authentic) parenting VS mainstream parenting.
We all have strengths and places where we want to improve, and places where we have no interest whatsoever in improving! That's life! There are no perfect parents. There is no perfect way of doing things. That's the beauty of the world :)
I love every single bit of this post. And I love you - regardless of whether you let your child eat onion skins off of the floor ;)
That was a gorgeous post, Mel.
Instinctual parenting is my favorite kind, and I think you set a pretty awesome example of just that.
Also, I can forgive you all of the things listed, but I'm not so sure I can get past the soap. ;)
I love the term "Instinctual Parent"! I think that sums up most of us (who would describe themselves as "AP/crunchy/natural") perfectly!
Ooooh, You KNOW I love this!
Lets Baby Eat Off Floor Because It's Just Easier - that's me, too :)
I loved you post. What I got out of it was that you accept yourself the way you are, you are enough. That's such a rare and wonderful thing to be able to model to your children.
haha thank you for your honesty!
You are one of the most kick-ass moms I know, friend. So yeah, I'd say you're enough - by far!
Love you tons n' tons.
All we can do is give the best of us when we can and to apologise and forgive ourselves when we don't so that our kids feel free do the same. I love the sentiment that we are imperfect and that is okay because we are enough at whatever stage we are at, as we are always growing as persons ourselves.
I love this post! I love your acceptance of yourself and other parents. We're all just trying to do things well, and I agree with lowering the bar from doing things perfectly — way too much pressure there.
Also? With as many kids as you have, I'd hope you had a van or you would never get to go anywhere! :)
Oh, how I LOVE this post!! So awesome, funny, insightful... REAL. Thanks for sharing. And that picture of you and the kids hugging is fabulous!
-Kerry @ City Kids Homeschooling
ok, Mel. Per your request, I finally got around to writing about eating the placenta (though there's nothing too exciting about it...) :)
http://theclearscamandrach.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-gobbled-up-my-placenta-and-rest-yeah.html
I love the way you put this. I also feel I'm more of a pragmatic parent then anything.
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